Boroughs: I Am the New Mascot

Rev. Philip L. Boroughs, S.J. His Eminence Crusaders were not in the Crusades. Crusaders were not in the Crusades. Crusaders were not in the Crusades. Repeat after me! Good, thank you. Now that that important business is out of the way: In seeking to best represent a 21st Century Holy Cross Crusader—one who massacres social injustice, not innocents— the administration has decided that I alone can fulfill the role of mascot. Iggy has gone the way of the dodo, and the Boro Bro is in. As the Holy Cross Crusaders run out to play Lehigh for the 70th time this … Continue reading Boroughs: I Am the New Mascot

Eggplant: LeBron Traded to Knicks

Bobby Tuzzio Chief Eggplant Editor     Ladies and gentlemen, it’s official: LeBron James is coming to the New York Knicks. Yes, you heard it here first. The NBA veteran is leaving the Cleveland Cavaliers to join the New York Knickerbockers. LeBron, who has had one of the most prolific careers in the history of the Association, comes to New York with the hopes of winning an NBA title. Keep in mind, the Knicks have not won an NBA championship since 1973. Yes, they were close in 1994 and 1999, but ultimately they came up short.   In recent years, the Knicks … Continue reading Eggplant: LeBron Traded to Knicks

Sadism Magazine Names Holy Cross Best Campus for Biking

Lance Armstrong Sheryl Crow’s Ex Sadism Magazine has named Holy Cross the most bikeable school in the country, beating out schools such as Indiana University Purdue University Indianapolis, University of Alaska-Fairbanks, and University of Phoenix for the title. “We’re very honored to be named the most bikeable college in America,” said President Boroughs. “We really feel that it can help us gain more interest from students across the country—as long as we don’t mention the name of the publication that gave us this award of course.” Sadism Magazine judged schools on a complex criteria that accounted for many factors that … Continue reading Sadism Magazine Names Holy Cross Best Campus for Biking

Tatum vs Hausler: Who’s the More Impressive 19 Year Old

Greg Hausler Eggplant Co-Editor/Athlete    As of November 8, 2017 the Boston Celtics are in the midst of a 9 game win streak and the team is truly clicking at all levels. One name has stood out during the win streak, 19 year old rookie Jayson Tatum. His stoic performances and ability to look dominate in an NBA game at this young age have spurred me to look at myself, also 19, in a different light. Now the question I ask this: Who is the more impressive 19 year old, Jayson Tatum of the Boston Celtics or Greg Hausler “second … Continue reading Tatum vs Hausler: Who’s the More Impressive 19 Year Old

Eggplant: The Best Catalina Wine Mixer Since 2008?

Ty Webb Bushwood Club Champion Yes, it’s the first weekend of November: the time of the year where everyone dresses up in clothes they would probably never wear out any other time of the year. You’re probably wondering: Isn’t that Halloween? Well, yes, but also the next weekend after Halloween dress-up, but this time in clothes from brands ranging from Vineyard Vines, Southern Tide, Johnnie-O, Lacoste (is that even still around?), or even Ralph Lauren. Last weekend, the Catalina Wine Mixer returned to Holy Cross. By the looks of everyone’s outfits, I felt like I was at church on Easter … Continue reading Eggplant: The Best Catalina Wine Mixer Since 2008?

Eggplant: You Are All Unworthy

Hames Jallagher Campus Legend Bow before us and bask in our glow, you unworthy peasants! The SGA Senate named The Crusader its student organization of the week and quite frankly, it was long overdue. All other clubs on this campus absolutely suck. I mean, fuck, what’s a SPUD anyway? This is the damn Da Vinci of newspapers we’re talking about, except we turn out a new Mona Lisa every damn Friday.   Not that we really want to. None of you possess the mental capabilities to even understand the brilliance that is this newspaper anyway. It isn’t your fault. We’re just … Continue reading Eggplant: You Are All Unworthy