Mario Micallef ’22Eggplant Editor Editor’s note: This article appears in our annual Eggplant Edition, comprised exclusively of satirical articles. [8:30 a.m., Rolla, Missouri, Donut King] [Michael and Amanda, sent home from college in Massachusetts due to the coronavirus, walk into a donut shop midway through their trek across […]
We have recently made some adjustments to our editorial board staff positions. Please take note of these important changes. Jackie Cannon, Billy Fitzpatrick Still hiding in Hogan 235 Ethan Bachand, Jocelyn Buggy, Davey Sullivan Just wanted to be on the front page Olivia Pan, Maggie Connolly, Ryen Cinski, […]
Davey Sullivan ‘22 Only using the Spire as a platform for Dr. Anthony Fauci to notice him Earlier this week, the Campus Activities Board (CAB) at the College of the Holy Cross announced that the acclaimed Spring Weekend festivities would not be canceled this year despite COVID-19. This […]
Ethan Bachand ’22 Rehm Talk Specialist Despite the announcement being kept secret, the College of the Holy Cross is set to build escalators all over campus in an attempt to eliminate stairs. With students currently off campus, the project is expected to be completed by next semester. In […]
Greg Hausler ‘20 Eggplant Editor/Gamer Breaking: The Eggplant has obtained records of a Holy Cross student requesting an extension on all assignments due to injury. While this seems like common procedure, our sources have leaked to us that this story is the first of its kind but signifies […]
Jocelyn Buggy ‘22 Carole Baskin fed her husband to a tiger On Wednesday, April 1, election results revealed that Officer Gracie of the Dept. of Public Safety was voted Student Government Association President. The two-year-old Goldendoodle received over 99% of the vote after a month-long campaign. An outspoken […]
Eggplant Staff, but mostly Hannah Johnson ’21 J.D. Power™ Survey Proves that Number of Stairs at Holy Cross Increases by 10% Annually Fr. Boroughs Announces New Academic and Departmental Awards: Most Office Hours Visited, Closest to Failing but Managed to Pass, and Most Money Spent Online Shopping during […]
Hui Li ’21 and Kim Fetherston ’22 This kept them busy
Matt Anderson ‘21 Still hiding on campus WORCESTER, MA– The College of the Holy Cross, now fully transitioned to online distance learning, has issued a stern disciplinary warning to the members of Caro, Boyden, and College streets, who have since formed an online presence over the remote conferencing […]
Kelly Gallagher ’22A Rising Miranda Priestly Editor’s note: This article appears in our annual Eggplant Edition, comprised exclusively of satirical articles. The health care system is struggling to stay on top of the coronavirus pandemic, and one of their most pressing problems is the face mask shortage. It’s […]
Hannah Johnson ’21Eggplant Editor Chief Editor’s Note: This isn’t one of Hannah’s typical articles. It isn’t made to be satirical, which may lead to questions over why it was included in the Eggplant. However, in an email she sent when she submitted the article to me she said […]
Greg Hausler ’20Eggplant Editor Life in quarantine is no fun. Life in quarantine with no sports to watch or bet on is quite possibly the closest thing to H E double hockey sticks that anyone could possibly go through. With no sports to watch, I like many others […]
