Tim Elder ‘28
Aggressive
As the semester is coming to a close, the stress levels of all students are greatly heightened and for some it seems the cap has been blown off. Due to these dire circumstances, tragedy struck for a local Holy Cross student over the weekend. Jason Kruger Meyers, a freshman, found himself exuberantly stressed over the weekend. His work had piled skyscrapers high and he truly did know what to do with himself. His Econ problem set was only half way done, his reading for Montserrat was waiting for him and his six page Classics paper was due in less than 24 hours.
The clock had struck 11:30 p.m. and Jason had no choice but to email his Classics professor and ask for an extension of his paper. He had heard from a classmate that this professor, Professor Sawyer, granted him an extension before and that he was rather amicable. Jason completely disagreed with Professor Sawyer being labeled as an amicable professor. Throughout the semester, Jason felt constantly picked on for not being well-versed in many ancient readings and the professor also picked on him for his favorite red and olive green sweater and his hockey mask keychain that hung off his bag. Jason, however, was never man enough to talk back to the professor as he feared it would impact his participation grade which accounted for 15 percent of his overall class grade.
Before Jason sent this extension request to his professor, he decided to make the night in the library a little extra fun. He began drafting an email where he took away his natural filter and let loose with insults. The words never flowed faster out of Jason’s keyboard. After completing such a feat of academic comedy, Jason reflected on his masterpiece. After considering a job well done, although he knew it would never be sent, he was proud of his words. Jason then stood from his seat in the Levi’s Browsing Room, collected his things and headed back to his dorm to finish off his all nighter of studying.
After returning to his dorm, Jason made a costly mistake. He opened his laptop and left it on his desk with the email open and ready to be sent. Jason headed to the bathroom, but his roommate Dennis was left all alone with the laptop unattended. Dennis, Jason’s blonde haired random roommate, never got along with Jason after Jason hijacked the room for a horror movie marathon during Halloweekend. Dennis without a second thought hit send on the email and tucked himself in and slept like a baby. Jason returned to the dorm and was at a loss for words after seeing that the email had been sent.
The following is the email that Professor Sawyer turned over to school authorities:
“Dear Professor Sawyer, I don’t particularly care how you are doing and I don’t know that I ever will. This semester, I haven’t enjoyed a single one of your classes and I’ve truly considered not going anymore, but unlike you I actually possess a moral code. Listening to you ramble about ancient nonsense hasn’t been a pleasure at all and I look forward to no longer taking your class. Seeing you each class donning your twill suit and your pipe will be a sight that I won’t miss. I will truly miss seeing the throw up in the bathroom of Hanselman 3 more than I will miss the sight of you lecturing to the class. The workload you have put on the class this semester would truly be considered a war crime in many small countries throughout the globe. I have nothing whatsoever to thank you for.
Worst Regards,
Jason Kruger Meyers.”
Jason is sadly now facing probation for the rest of his time here at Holy Cross because of this email. Jason’s only statement on that matter was “Be careful what you say and be careful who you are randomly assigned as a roommate they could be a menace in disguise.”
Copy edited by Molly Croft ‘29
Featured image courtesy of http://www.inc.com
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