Charlotte MacQuattie ‘28
Very Real Journalist
Beloved Holy Cross tradition Battle of the Bands is set for tonight at 7:00 p.m. in the Hogan Ballroom. It hasn’t actually happened yet, but the five foot tall sentient eggplant in “The Spire” office gave me a prophetic vision of how it’s going to play out. Here’s what I remember!
A buzzing can be felt in the air in the Hogan ballroom. Is it excitement? No! It’s mic feedback! As student bands warm up, I talk with Nickie Steves, guitarist for Meetwood Flac. “We’re pumped up for tonight,” Nickie tells me. “We’ve been practicing since September for this and we’re really excited to show people what we can do.” I wish him good luck as he runs off to apply a seventh layer of black eyeliner because according to him, he’s “literally Rodrick Heffley.” Walking between bands, the room is full of energy, music, and something that smells a bit like skunk. I come across my personal favorite student band Appalachia during soundcheck, but their numbers seem to have dwindled. “We’re down a few guys tonight, but we can still put on a great performance,” lead singer Cart McPaulney says. “It’s pretty tragic though. We recently lost our drummer… you know, studying abroad in Rome. He’s living it up out there but it’s hard without him. Especially since our keyboardist is no longer with us… he joined a different band. But we wish him the best. If only our lead guitarist could be here to see it, but he sleeps with the fishes now… he joined the Navy. He’s on a submarine off the coast of California. Luckily, we still have seven other guitarists to cover for him. If only we had a bassist… but Chris Maratea said no.” Poor Cart McPaulney, always losing bandmates. I offered my own musical talents to Cart, but he declined and said Appalachia is “busy that day.” As in today. Whatever.
Appalachia is the first up and begins with “Look Back In Anger.” As I’m watching, I see something flying from behind me at the stage. At first I thought one of the pigeons for my grand finale had escaped its cage, but it didn’t look like Wingston Churchill or Coo Coo Chanel. I turn around to find 3.14 Seconds of Summer drummer Jilly Boel hurling her sticks at Appalachia. Her bandmates then rush at the stage to attack; knocking over the drum kit, swinging around mic stands, and smashing guitars with the musical rage of Pete Townshend. Meetwood Flac jumps in from offstage to defend Appalachia, Fall Out Man joins to help 3.14 Seconds of Summer, and the audience cheers as the bands battle. The only musicians spared in the brawl are members of the Holy Cross Good Time Marching Band, as they were busy putting on those silly little outfits. With no competition left standing, the marching band is declared the winner after a bangin rendition of “Holiday” by Green Day (or as we spirited Crusaders call it, Purple Day). Rumor has it that they’ll open the spring concert for headliner Vinny Rougeau. Go Cross go!
Copy Edited by Gail Durkin ’26
Featured image courtesy of Charlotte MacQuattie ’28
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