Charlotte MacQuattie ‘28
Redhead Representative
To most people, St Patrick’s Day is for celebrating Irish culture and its many contributions to the beverage world. But for us redheads, the day is anything but lucky. As our friends prepare their B.O.R.G.s (Bottles Of Regular Gatorade), we gingers hide ourselves away in shame as the clock strikes twelve on March 17 and we are transformed into our true selves: leprechauns. Yes, every single redhead’s true form is a short, goblin-esque creature of Irish folklore.
We decorate everything green and orange to distract the rest of you from the truth. Special rituals can prevent the transformation, which is why some St Paddy’s day ‘celebrations’ seem strange at first. Lucky Charms are the best antidote, as The Spirit Of The Leprechaun sees that ginger freak on the box and assumes we’ve already transformed.
“All I eat on St Patrick’s day is Lucky Charms.” says local redhead Scarlet O’Hare. “No soda bread, no potatoes, and no corned beef and cabbage. Mostly because corned beef is gross. But also, you know, the leprechaun thing.” I personally make a protective shield of Lucky Charms boxes, but to each their own. Other methods of avoiding The Spirit include performing a special jig, listening to Ed Sheeran’s entire discography, or rattlin’ the bog so hard you don’t notice the pot of gold beside you. “I tried to stop The Spirit in 2024,” recalls Rusty Riordan-Rojas. “I started out strong with a ton of mashed potatoes, but after a few too many ginger ales, I couldn’t remember a thing. Next thing I knew it was March 20, I was in the orangutan habitat at the San Diego Zoo, and I was the alpha. The Spirit of The Leprechaun is crazy.” Red hair may seem lucky, but we bear the burden of The Curse. So, be kind to your local redheads this St Patrick’s day and remember to leave out a pot of gold and/or your wallet for us. Go Cross Go!
Featured image courtesy of Lucky Charms
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