Finn Ryan ‘29
Calendar Girl
This past week, the music world was rocked by the loss of 86-year-old singer-songwriter Neil Sedaka, best known for hits such as “Laughter In The Rain” and “Breaking Up is Hard to Do.” Sedaka’s passing, while tragic to fans of his illustrious nearly 70-year-long career, has also confirmed one of America’s most long-running and popular conspiracy theories: that Neil Sedaka was really Iranian Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei.
In 1989, a decade after the successful Iranian Revolution and the establishment of the Islamic Republic, a successor was needed following the death of previous Supreme Leader, Ayatollah Khomeini. It has long been theorized that the United States government covertly sent Sedaka to Iran and propped him up to be chosen as the next ruler of the Islamic Republic under the pseudonym Ali Khamenei – a fact recently confirmed by a leaker within the Department of State. Over the next four decades, Sedaka/Khamenei secretly travelled between the US and Iran, projecting power across the Middle East region, sponsoring terrorist actors such as ISIS, and recording the occasional Hanukkah album.
Sedaka died peacefully in his Los Angeles home surrounded by family on Feb. 27, 2026. When news of his passing reached the White House, President Trump reportedly exclaimed, “Oh crap!” and immediately ordered the military to bomb Iran, with the goal of then claiming the Ayatollah was killed in the strikes and thus covering up that Sedaka was now dead and would no longer be able to lead the country.
This truth comes as a shocking revelation to many Americans. The guy who wrote “Love Will Keep Us Together” is the same man who slaughtered hundreds of unarmed protestors? The sweet voice that sang “Dinosaur Pet” on the beloved children’s album that drove my parents insane is the same one that chanted “death to America?” How can this be? Right now, it’s unclear to what extent the US government had control over Sedaka and his actions, being that he was planted there intentionally. Was his council in control, or was he? Did Sedaka go rogue? Was his or The Carpenters’ rendition of “Solitaire” better? Much remains to be seen.
Featured image courtesy of The New York Times
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