Caitlin Wiffler ‘27
Observes Claddagh Rings
SUBURBS – Holy Cross student Poppy-Toola ‘28 made the grave mistake of bringing her boyfriend of three months to her family’s house for Easter. Her mom told her it was fine. It wasn’t.
Jonathan DaDukecon ‘28–Poppy-Toola’s boyfriend—is majoring in Chemistry, but he could not seem to find much between him and Mr and Mrs. McGrillafrankski. Jonathan was assured many times by Poppy-Toola that this was the appropriate time to meet her parents. After a phone call ending in her mother’s sigh of tired surrender, Jonathan was permitted to drive to her home in the suburbs of western Massachusetts.
As he entered, Jonathan was quickly met by the sound of a golden retriever, followed by the cold wood flooring and a pain in his behind. He wondered when the right time was to tell the McGrillafrankski family that he was allergic to Teddy, 5, the family dog.
“Kids a [REDACTED]” said Mr. McGrillafrankski in an interview after the event. “Oh, what? I can’t call him a pain in the [REDACTED]? Well, he is. What can I say?”
“Please, Mark. It wasn’t too bad,” Mrs. McGrillafrankski said.
“Maggie! Were you at that table?” Mr. McGrillafrankski boomed.
“Well, he was trying to be nice,” Mrs. McGrillafrankski said calmly. “So, we all sat at the table for dinner once Jonathan took some Benadryl, and Poppy-Toola tried to make some conversation. Her sister and her fiance were there. Beautiful as ever. And so Poppy asked us all to name their top three songs from that Beatles album. The one with the Octopus,”
“ABBEY ROAD!” Mr. McGrillafrankski shouted from the kitchen. He needed to “take a lap” while his wife recounted the events.
“And so Jonathan perks up because he likes those guys,”
“HMPH!” Mr. McGrillafrankski said.
“And he says ‘Golden Slumbers,’ ‘The End,’ and…something. What was that last one he said, Mark?”
“SOMETHING!”
“Oh, right, yes. ‘Something.’ Now, this was a problem. Apparently, the correct response was that it ‘depends.’ He was supposed to ask whether we were counting the B-side as ‘one medley’ or ‘individual songs.’ Apparently, that’s a big deal,”
“OH, IT’S A BIG DEAL, ALRIGHT!”
“Yes, well. He didn’t know,”
“NOT GOOD!”
“He was supposed to know,”
“Little jerk thinks he knows The Beatles,” Mr. McGrillafrankski muttered. He had come back to the interview.
“If you want my honest opinion, I think he took too long to ask her out,” Mrs. McGrillafrankski whispered.
“NOT GOOD!” He left once more, but quickly returned, “And it’s not simply the B-side. It starts with ‘You Never Give Me Your Money.’ The B-side starts with ‘Here Comes the Sun.’ Hmph. More like here comes the pain in my–”
The couple tried to escape the uncomfortable house, but they were, unfortunately, in western Mass. The McGrillafrankski Easter Egg hunt was also disastrous. DaDukecon thought he could participate. He could not. He tried to bond with Poppy-Toola’s sister’s fiance, Lance. Colossal mistake.
After tiresome efforts by both, they realized that the only positive side of this introduction was that Easter break is only five days. Five. They can make it five days.
Editor’s Note: McGrillafrankski and DaDukecon did not make it five days. They “went their separate ways” on Monday.
Featured image courtesy of https://bunniesbythebay.com/
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