Eggplant

Campus Contemplations, Pt. 1

Michael Vail ‘24
Self-Appointed Distributor of Thoughts

“This fire hydrant is raised slightly above the ground. And this one is halfway-buried. This third one, however, is perfectly level. Why were they designed this way?”

– KEVIN

“Where did the cinnamon toast crunch go?”

– David ‘22

“Over these past couple of weeks, I’ve kinda been getting used to going to college in Boston. Hell, they should rename it to Boston College. I don’t think that name’s taken yet.”

– Kimberly Halls ‘23

“I have seven dining dollars left. I am fearful for the future.”

– Tom_DaKingSlayer03

“I must say, I’m concerned about that case of rabies on our campus. I hope the raccoon doesn’t come out during family weekend. I want to give my parents a positive impression of my college lifestyle, not an accurate one.”

– Kieran Peters ‘25

“I accidentally submitted through the wrong account. How do I delete that?”

– Thomas Walker ‘25

“Sometimes I wonder about that hot dog in the wall in Brooks. Did another hot dog ever take its place? Was the hole in the wall ever repaired? Sometimes I can’t sleep at night because of that hot dog invading my mind.”

Leah Sims ‘24

“I don’t like the stairs. They try to kill me.”

A concerned student who fell down the stairs

“What happens if I break the fire extinguisher in my room? Like, just smash it against the ground. Really hard. Ooh, this ice cube tray is really cool. I should make hot chocolate ice cubes.”

– MJ

“Really though, what’s up with those fire hydrants?”

– KEVIN

“Do you ever feel like you’re a part of something bigger than yourself? I put butter on my burger last night and I felt so accomplished, so genius. Holy Cross gave me the means to innovate; the rest was up to me.”

Leah Sims ‘24

“I am writing here to make a formal apology, for I have stolen the cinnamon toast crunch container. This was a severe and continuous lapse in judgment, and I am sorry to all who feel affected by my actions. I take full responsibility. All hate that comes my way is deserved.”

– [Anonymous submission]

“Please bring back the alfredo sauce.”

– Various Kimball-goers

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