Michael Vail ‘24

Adult Who Still Plays Dress-Up

Remember back in high school when Halloween came around? The secretary began the morning announcements, and as usual, you didn’t listen. Did anyone? But then you heard the word “Halloween.” The costume contest, the event of the year, was being announced! Your ears perked up as you considered the categories you could win in.

Funniest. Most creative. Best group costumes. So many possibilities, with the only limit being your imagination.

But then they would read the guidelines. No masks? No props? My Death Eater costume just became a man in a black sheet from Walmart. Nothing considered “overly sexy”? Well I can’t exactly become invisible.

I honestly believed the madness would end in college. But as I joined my 9 a.m. sociology class, donning a Fr. Boroughs mask, I was asked to remove it and show my real face. I thought the spirit of Halloween was dressing up as somebody else, but the fools just didn’t get it. Not to fear, I was not finished yet, for I was eager to discover the true meaning of Halloween! One charge of identity theft later, I ditched my first costume.

What if, I thought, Halloween is all about novelty? I simply needed to be topical; relevant to the times. So I crafted a new ensemble just in time for my class at noon. And you would find it hard to believe, but this time it went even worse! I thought, surrounded by history students, at least one person would appreciate my plague doctor costume. Alas! The only feedback I received were comments such as, “You can’t wear that during a pandemic, take it off!” and “Ew, turn off your camera first!” Absolutely disgraceful. You can’t please anyone these days!

At last, I abandoned the idea of costumes and shifted my focus to the essence of Halloween: horror. If nothing else, is the holiday not centered around frightening moments? I dare someone to challenge this truth. It can’t be done! Halloween is horror! And no one can take that away.

Sorry, sorry… I went off the rails a bit there. Anyway, this is a long-winded way of explaining that I sent a jump scare email to all my professors. For the sake of Halloween spirit, of course. I’ll let you know how it goes.