Eggplant

Shots & Slots

Mario Micallef ’22

Eggplant Editor

[An advertisement on a screen inside the Las Vegas McCarran International Airport plays on a small monitor to the immediate right of an Ellen slot machine next to the Southwest Airlines B23 Gate.] 

[For 30 seconds, played on loop, an alluring female voice actor reads this with intercuts of black jack, craps, & poker tables, and slot machines as attractive actors (who haven’t quite made it yet in the biz but are hoping this will get them out there to show producers and casting directors they are indeed professionals and not any joe-schmo who paid $150,000 for acting school) pretend to enjoy the overpriced cocktails and slimy slot machines and suspiciously happy elderly dealers at a Casino in the desert.] 

The voice actor reads:

Come to the luxurious Casino Dorado! Our newly renovated penthouses, 4-star room dining, cigarette caked walls are just a click away.

We are taking every precaution to keep you safe during your stay. 

Located just 10 feet away from McCarran airport, we are here to make your stay unforgettable.

Our emptied olympic sized pools, coupled with real sunbathing chairs flipped over on themselves and placed 6 feet apart, will give you the hot, luxurious, and safe experience you were hoping for on your desert getaway. 

Why bother getting up from your night of fun and excitement? We will give you the Covid Vaccine shot right at your table of choice. No busting or poker face necessary. You don’t have to move a muscle. Just as long as you keep placing your bets, we bet that you’ll love our UNLV Nurse school drop out who will be performing the shot. Sit back and relax. You’re in oro hands. 

Want another drink with that shot? Want a bandaid for your arm? How about both? That’s right, you’ll get a half marked mixed drink and your choice of bandaid when you stay with us and get vaccinated. 

Sus lujosas vacaciones de vacunación le esperan en Casino Golden!

Vámonos!

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