Tag: mario micallef

Goodbye Green

By Mario Micallef ’22Eggplant Editor Remember when the biggest concern for us first-world problem living folk was a paper straw with your coffee? As quick as the exponential rate of the virus exploded into the centerfold of our lives, society said goodbye to going green and hello to […]

Dan Eats

Mario Micallef ’22 Eggplant Editor [Dan is a disheveled man dressed in a suit]  [Dan looks to be gearing himself up for something outside of a door, and breathing heavily]  Dan (to himself): I can do this, I can do this.  [Dan walks slowly into the restaurant simply […]

Who will you be?

Mario Micallef ‘22Eggplant Editor On Friday, April 3, a man assaulted a teenage girl who was hanging out with her friends at Norton Commons, a residential community 20 minutes outside of downtown Louisville, Kentucky.  The man claimed the aggressive behavior ensued because the girls were not practicing “social […]

Donut King

Mario Micallef ’22Eggplant Editor Editor’s note: This article appears in our annual Eggplant Edition, comprised exclusively of satirical articles. [8:30 a.m., Rolla, Missouri, Donut King] [Michael and Amanda, sent home from college in Massachusetts due to the coronavirus, walk into a donut shop midway through their trek across […]

It’s All Tone

Mario Micallef ’22Eggplant Editor [Aboard the T, Bill and Bikus sit next to each other enroute to Grafton] Train Voice Announcement (stern and annoyed): Get off only at a door accompanied by an MBTA staff member! Bill: Why does he say it like that? Bikus: People are stupid […]

Nocial Sorm

Mario Micallef ’22Eggplant Editor Listen, I like breaking social norms as much as the next guy but if we are meeting for the first time and you make no effort to share your social security number with me do not expect me to smile and do the head […]

Randy

Mario Micallef ’22 Eggplant Editor [A 2004 Panasonic corded desk phone rings] [The ringing stops after the 3rd chimed loop]  Randy (through the phone):Randy  Bernice: Hi Randy, this is Bernice.  Randy: Yeah, I know who it is.  Bernice: I’m going to start the stew around five, do you […]

Dining Ballers

By Mario Micallef ’22Eggplant Editor If you were able to sift through the weekly dump of incessant Popcorn Tuesday emails as well as the totally indubitable Student Government emails, then hopefully Father Boroughs’ schoolwide email last Monday stood out to you. For those of you that got lost […]

A Shuttle Frizzles Over

Mario Micallef ’22Eggplant Editor A shuttle bus turned to chaos Monday night as a strange woman tried to take the bus hostage enroute to Boston. Reports say that a woman with glasses and frizzy hair wielded a small green dog at folks waiting in the bus. Jack Elizabeth […]

“And You”

By Mario Micallef ’22Eggplant Editor Oh, what a terrific move that was. No, no one saw you. There you go, just like that. Put another in your mouth. Why don’t you wipe your hands off on your shirt again? You’ve got to be down to the last of […]