Tag: mario micallef

Do Not Pass Woos

Mario Micallef ‘22Big Monopoly Guy Worcester, MA — After devouring a Fluffernutter French toast the size of her own head, a local woman told reporters Sunday that the ATM at Miss Worcester’s diner printed out Monopoly money over the weekend.  “I was freaking out because practically half a loaf […]

Hybrid

Mario Micallef ‘22Certified Deck-Scrubber “I guess we’ll just have to get used to this.” oozed Professor Diameter with his usual nasally monotone utterance. It was the second class we had in the Fundamentals of Stapling, the first course requirement for the Accounting major, and already there were 5 […]

Shots & Slots

Mario Micallef ’22 Eggplant Editor [An advertisement on a screen inside the Las Vegas McCarran International Airport plays on a small monitor to the immediate right of an Ellen slot machine next to the Southwest Airlines B23 Gate.]  [For 30 seconds, played on loop, an alluring female voice […]

Sermon on the Ground

Mario Micallef ‘22 Eggplant Editor Hello (I am sitting on the ground, no, I’m laying on the hardwood floor. I don’t know why I lied right there. Maybe it was internal shame. Yes, in fact, it was. But I have to speak now. The ants coming off my […]

Krispy Vaccine

Mario Micallef ’22 Eggplant Editor [Krispy Kreme Drive-Thru, Conway Arkansas, 5:35 A.M.] [A tan 1999 Toyota Celica pulls up in front of a green and red picture menu display and speaker.] Woman In Speaker: Hi there! Good Morning! Welcome to Krispy Kreme Doughnuts!! My name’s Patty. How may […]

Circus

Mario Micallef ’22 Solanum Melongena Peer across the deserted circus.  Its tittinope floors with abandoned popcorn and cotton candy strewn about. Left by shifty poltroonery children.  Sodas dropped and split in haste across the sticky floor cry out: Why oh why weren’t we guzzled like the prophecies spake? […]

Eye Eye

Mario Micallef ’22 Eggplant Editor The red T Is where I be. Plan is: meet, eat meat, maybe a treat? The screech & the voice, I stand for Kendall Street. Oh, no. The handle strap. It hit my eyeball, oh crap. I’ve got the plague; I’ve got it […]

Urchin Father

Mario Micallef ’22 [Tim swims & snorkels in the shallow waters of Newport Beach. His wife, Maybel, lays tanning.] Maybel: Tim, honey, let’s eat!  [Tim remains underwater.] M: Timbelthon Jones, I’m starving. Get out! [Tim shoots up out of the water screaming and splashing.] Tim: My foot! My […]

Re-Creep

Mario Micallef ’22 Eggplant Editor Breaking news. A letter was sent to The Big Daily Scoop in 1992. This letter has sat behind our basement mailbox. We finally have the rights to publish it (It’s more that I just got really lucky finding it. I wonder if I […]

Urchin Father

Mario Micallef ’22 Eggplant Editor [Newport Beach CA, July 5, 1:30 p.m.] [Tim swims and snorkels in the shallow waters of the beach. His wife, Maybel, sits on the beach and sunbathes.] Maybel: Tim, honey, let’s eat!  [Tim remains underwater.] Maybel: Timbelthon Jones, I’m starving. Get out of […]

Gubment

Mario Micallef ’22 An Eggplant Editor [Interior of a recording studio within a semi-abandoned corporate building in a suburb outside of Tampa, Florida, Tuesday, 7 a.m.]  [Chester Bigly, hosts the conservative radio show “Bigly Right” where he has a special guest for the day’s show.]  [Chester holds a […]