Tag: mario micallef

Gubment

Mario Micallef ’22 An Eggplant Editor [Interior of a recording studio within a semi-abandoned corporate building in a suburb outside of Tampa, Florida, Tuesday, 7 a.m.]  [Chester Bigly, hosts the conservative radio show “Bigly Right” where he has a special guest for the day’s show.]  [Chester holds a […]

A Thousand Word Picture

Mario Micallef ’22 An EggPlanting Editor [On a Teleprompter, somewhere out There.] “A picture paints a thousand words,” so they say, but does it really? Find out all about it tonight on Eggplant Live, with me, your host – Rosel McDork.  [Queue uplifting yet stern, royalty-free broadcast music.] […]

Haircut

Mario Micallef An Eggplant Exquisite choice Bernadette. Yes, one long cut across my bangs goes stupendously with my four eyes and buck teeth. I cannot wait to see Bruce in Gym class tomorrow. I am sure he will have nothing but nice things to say to me. Gone […]

All Ears

Mario Micallef Eggplant Editor All Ears Once there was a girl, and she was asked a question. “Girl, do listen up, will you hear my newest obsession?” Girl wore a thick dark cloak; nobody ever saw her reflection. “Indeed I shall, Madam May, I am all ears.” She […]

Giraffa camelopardalis

Mario Micallef ‘22 Eggplant Editor The Giraffa camelopardalis, or “Giraffe” as the uneducated would put it, is the tallest living terrestrial animal native enough to call the Savanna desert home for millennia. It may come with grave news to the 13 remaining fans of Kiss that Gene Simmons, […]

If We Went Back

Mario Micallef ‘22 Eggplant Editor Stumbling back to campus, a group of nine men and three women made a scene in a few beloved late Thursday night hangout spots. Doting masks pulled slightly off the nose, these barbarous individuals proceeded into Dinand and each checked out 6 books […]

Goodbye Green

By Mario Micallef ’22Eggplant Editor Remember when the biggest concern for us first-world problem living folk was a paper straw with your coffee? As quick as the exponential rate of the virus exploded into the centerfold of our lives, society said goodbye to going green and hello to […]

Dan Eats

Mario Micallef ’22 Eggplant Editor [Dan is a disheveled man dressed in a suit]  [Dan looks to be gearing himself up for something outside of a door, and breathing heavily]  Dan (to himself): I can do this, I can do this.  [Dan walks slowly into the restaurant simply […]

Who will you be?

Mario Micallef ‘22Eggplant Editor On Friday, April 3, a man assaulted a teenage girl who was hanging out with her friends at Norton Commons, a residential community 20 minutes outside of downtown Louisville, Kentucky.  The man claimed the aggressive behavior ensued because the girls were not practicing “social […]

Donut King

Mario Micallef ’22Eggplant Editor Editor’s note: This article appears in our annual Eggplant Edition, comprised exclusively of satirical articles. [8:30 a.m., Rolla, Missouri, Donut King] [Michael and Amanda, sent home from college in Massachusetts due to the coronavirus, walk into a donut shop midway through their trek across […]

It’s All Tone

Mario Micallef ’22Eggplant Editor [Aboard the T, Bill and Bikus sit next to each other enroute to Grafton] Train Voice Announcement (stern and annoyed): Get off only at a door accompanied by an MBTA staff member! Bill: Why does he say it like that? Bikus: People are stupid […]