College Erects Ice Sculpture of New First-Year Dorm

Brian Saville ‘22 
Certified Cool Guy 

During last week’s Campus Update Webinar, President Rougeau announced a development that many in the Holy Cross community had been feverishly anticipating for millennia: an additional dorm building for underclassmen. In an effort to consolidate their budget, however, the school has opted to pull from both its humongous development fund and even larger ice sculpture fund (recently reallocated from dining services following the immense reception to the ice sculptures at senior convocation and Winterfest) to construct a dorm building made entirely out of ice. 

The building, to be named Brrrrroughs Hall in honor of both our president emeritus and the predictably frigid nature of the structure, it’s to be built on what is now Freshman Field. Amenities will include an ice rink, a hockey field, a sledding hill (the only way to travel between floors of the building), and a vending machine serving frozen goodies. The individual ice blocks that comprise the building are expected to be shipped in the middle of the night any time now, so the building will just show up one day. 

When asked about the decision, President Rougeau shared, “My wife and I were watching this obscure documentary film called Frozen the other week, and when we got to the part where Elsa builds a castle out of ice, I thought, ‘Isn’t it funny? New housing and more ice sculptures… the two things the school needs the most!’ And then, it hit me. I could kill those two birds with one stone!” Rougeau, ever concerned about the mental health of Holy Cross students, hopes that the wintry charms of Brrrrroughs will help to alleviate the day-to-day stresses of academic life. 

Brrroughs Hall stands in all its frigid glory upon Freshman Field

Students and faculty alike have expressed some doubts about the feasibility of Brrroughs Hall. How are students expected to do their work when they have brain freeze all the time? Won’t the icy floors be a safety hazard? President Rougeau was quick to point out that Brooks, Clark, and Hanselman also feature uncontrollable temperatures and so much mystery fluid on the floor that you’re essentially getting an identical experience. “Brrroughs Hall will be warmer, safer, and cleaner than our current first-year housing options. If anything, it’s superior, because the translucent walls will help instill a sense of community. We hope they will encourage students to make friends with their next door neighbors by watching the vague shape of them 24/7 while having insightful discussions about their Montserrat cluster, for example.” 

We asked President Rougeau if he realized it’s supposed to hit 63 this week. He declined to comment.

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