Dylan Healy ‘22
Lover of Daily Schedules
The ecosystem of a college campus thrives on a hierarchy of who is in power. In our classes, it is the professors who hold all the power. On athletic teams, it is the coaches and the captains. Clubs have their leaders. Residence halls have RA’s. However, only one position sits so powerfully on students’ minds that they think about the position constantly. Someone who can make a year great or terrible. Someone who can really make a difference. The Dean of Fun is someone who controls the fun that college students have and can crush the spirit of a young academic just trying to blow off some steam.
Here’s how a day of that Dean typically breaks down:
5:00 A.M.: Wake up and rush to drink that first cup of Joe of the day. Mmmmm that smells good! Eat breakfast and watch highlight videos of the show “COPS” playing on the TV. Say goodbye to the cat and head out for the day.
6:15 A.M.: Show up at the office and do the daily morning routine. Open up a flurry of emails and get the day started. The first one reads:
Dear Dean of Fun,
You are receiving this email to inform you of a violation occurring in Pealer Hall. Two students were overheard listening to music at above 45% volume while playing video games in their dorm room. The students were told of their violation and thus turned the music down. Waiting for how to handle the situation.
RA – Pealer Hall
“This should be an easy one,” they say as the gears start turning and they open up the schedule for disciplinary actions. Not a big deal—they just need to write a 1000-word essay and come in and have a talk with me. Shouldn’t be too much of a problem.
9:00 A.M.: A message from an alumnus regarding their child’s situation at school appears on the computer. This alumnus is concerned that their daughter is not having a good time in school and is told by his daughter that the normal college destressing outlets are being taken away. Taken aback by the email, they send back an email stating that the child should have fun at the screening of “Nemo” occurring that night and that anything more would be ludicrous.
12:00 P.M.: Go eat lunch around the students. Get a vibe of how the semester has been going. Everyone appears to be rather jittery and entrenched in their notes. Ah, college!
2:00 P.M.: Become aware that a student is writing an article about the Dean of Fun position in the newspaper. Place student on probation.
5:00 P.M.: After holding several disciplinary meetings, the day is over. The students sure learned that they are in college for school. No one ever said college was about having fun outside of the classroom.
Can’t wait to see where this one lands me.