Patrick Ryan ’27

Could probably get a point or two 

In a survey of over 1,000 Holy Cross male students, approximately 75% of respondents believed that they could win a one-on-one match against Caitlin Clark. In case you have been living under a rock for the past few years, Caitlin Clark is a women’s collegiate basketball phenom hailing from Des Moines, Iowa. In her freshman year at Iowa state, Clark led the NCAA Division I in scoring, and was quickly named national player of the year twice over her junior and senior seasons. What’s more, Clark led her team to back-to-back appearances in the NCAA national championship game, and became the all time leading NCAA Division I scorer for men and women alike, eclipsing names like Pete Maravich and Kelsey Plum. 

Despite her impressive resume, the bulk of the male student population at Holy Cross are apparently still up to the challenge. Not only did the vast majority of respondents believe that they could win the contest, but an additional 10% believed that “it would be close,” and another 12% thought they could “at least get a couple points off of her.” Some of the descriptive testimonies students submitted with their responses are especially telling. One anonymous junior broke down his plan to defeat the two time AP player of the year. “You see, Caitlin’s game is actually pretty simple. If she goes right, she shoots, and if she goes left, she drives to the basket. I’d just force her to the left every time and post up, there’s no way she’s getting a lay-up over me.” An unnamed sophomore had a similar, but different approach to taking down the woman who has a national holiday in Iowa in her honor. “If I were going up against Clark, I wouldn’t even worry that much about playing defense. Basketball’s a psychological game, so I’d quickly get in her head and distract her. I’d like to see her sink a three-pointer when I’m totally messing with her brain.”

Much to the amazement of the survey analysts, only 1% of respondents reported that they were on the College’s basketball team. Instead, most respondents answered that they “played a little ball in high school” or “mostly stopped playing after middle school.” Even more surprisingly, when asked if they would actually play against her if given the chance, responses were overwhelmingly negative. “I have a thing in my calf right now that’s really messing me up,” one reply explains. “But once that heals I’d definitely be down to take her on.” Another student showed a commendable amount of grace with his answer, writing how “It wouldn’t be right to absolutely humiliate her in front of her friends and family, so I’d probably let her get a few points just to make her feel better.” Perhaps this survey has revealed more about the brazenness of the male student population than their basketball ability. 

Copy Edited by Sophia Mariani

Featured image courtesy of Getty Images