Joachim Dalloran ‘30
Mysterious Detective
WORCESTER, MASS—At 4pm on November 8, 2026, the best club on campus hosted its weekly meeting in an undisclosed location. Featuring a robust team with dozens of writers of all age and skill levels, all but one were present. The Executive Director of the Eggplant Section, Billy Barnacles, was missing. Professionally known as “Big Boss,” nobody knows his last whereabouts. His roommate, Bartholomew “Big Business” Benjamin, reported that Big Boss hasn’t returned to the Big Brooks HQ in a minute.
“I straight up lowkey got no clue where mans went.” Big Business said in a press release. “Didnt even pu to anything over the weekend.”
The Department of Public Safety has started an ongoing investigation into finding the whereabouts of the Big Boss. “As an instrumental part of the Spire and the greater Holy Cross community it is imperative that Big Boss is found,” said a Public Safety representative. The family lineage of “Big Boss” extends back decades. His four time great-grandfather was amongst one of the four students to receive the first diplomas awarded by the College. “We are utilizing every resource at our disposal from security cameras, eye witnesses, interviews, etc.” Chief of Public Safety reported.
As for the Big Boss, his whereabouts are still unknown.
Copy edited Lilly Baumfeld ‘27
Image Courtesy of Getty Images
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