James Condon ‘30
Worm free since 2013!
With Halloween just around the corner, everyone on campus is getting ready for the big day. Nowhere are those spooky vibes more prevalent than everybody’s favorite campus dining hall. Our Reporter Otto Goodideas sat down with Kimball Captain Nelson Beckett.
Goodideas: Nelson! Thank you for being able to talk today.
Nelson: ARRRRRGGHHHH ye dares to not address a Kimball Crewmember by their proper rank? Does ye know how many times I burned me hand on dish duty?
Goodideas: erm… I apologize Captain Nelson, it won’t happen again. So… how is Kimball celebrating Halloween?
Captain Beckett: Arrgghhhh… so many things, landlubber. Let ye start out with our delicious menu!
Goodideas: Oh, that’s kinda what I wanted to tell you. Y’know there were reports about worms in the broccoli?
Captain Beckett: Arrgghh, yes m’boy! We heard ye’s grievances loud and clear. That’s why ye is making sure that we’ll have worms on all our food today. No cheeseburger shall be left without an earthworm and no lemonade without a tapeworm!
Goodideas: That sounds pretty spooky. It seems you got the menu down, but what about the atmosphere? Doing anything with the places?
Captain Beckett: Well ye see, last year we hung some fake bats from the ceiling but this year we’re thinking go big or go home, so we tried to get real bats in here, but all we’ve managed so far was to get a few birds in there.
Goodideas: Well, did they at least escape?
Captain Beckett: Ye thought about it but imagine the energy bill if we left the windows open! And plus if ye birds go to Davy John’s locker, yeees skull and bones add some nice ambience to the whole place!
Goodideas: Wow Kimball seems to have this whole thing figured out! It’s like I’m terrified to come over! One more question though, who is the person that refills the soup station dressing up as?
Captain Beckett: First Mate Winston? The invisible man of course! Now that I think about it, he always seems to wear his costume!
Copy edited by Molly Croft ’29
Featured image courtesy of Vail Daily
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