Caitlin Wiffler ‘27
Google Calendar Emmetrope
In a shocking turn of events, it is almost November. Move-in was a long time ago. It was, like, two months ago. Soon to be three. Woah. Or Whoa. Woa? No, there’s definitely an H in there.
With Halloween festivities starting on Thursday, students often forget that a big change comes on Sunday morning. Yes, that’s right. It will be November. “That doesn’t seem right,” Peppercorn Peterson ’28 protested. Well, it’s true. “But I just had a midterm on Wednesday! How is it already November?” she asked. That’s because professors don’t realize November’s encroachment either. They’re too busy doing…whatever it is that they do. They’re looking at life through Google Calendar goggles; they can only see one month at a time.
Students are unprepared for the unexpected upcoming events occurring in mere days. Peterson is scrambling to find an outfit for an undisclosed event on Nov. 7, “I’ve been telling everyone that I’m wearing a big fur coat. I didn’t realize it’s in one week! Now I have to buy a squirrel costume from TikTok shop and hope I can pull it off.” Peterson, we here at The Eggplant must tell you that you cannot pull that off.
Senior Beatrice Milder was so revolted by the news of November she staged a coup. However, she decided to throw the coup so hastily that she never decided who or what she was overthrowing. She got a bunch of seniors to carry torches and pitchforks starting from the townhouses, making their way over to Wheeler, then Hogan, then they checked out Dinand, and peeked their heads over at the tennis courts, but once they got to Kimball their arms were all super tired from carrying the pitchforks and torches that they just decided to get the baked s’mores instead.
Copy edited by Caroline Gammon ’30
Featured image courtesy of iStock
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