Patrick Ryan ’27
Underwater Ceramic Technician
So. You’re going home for fall break. That’s perfectly fine! I’m returning to the sacred land of South Jersey for a few days myself. But just because you’re returning to the homestead to hang out with your parents doesn’t mean everyone has to know about it. Indeed, hearing about all the cool places everybody else seems to be going to—Nashville, London, Dubai—can sometimes make returning to HQ seem… straight up lame. But it doesn’t have to be that way! That’s why I’ve put together this helpful guide for you to help you transform your ordinary home into a mysterious, swanky, and enviable travel destination that everyone is dying to know about. Just adhere to these minor phrasing tips, and you’ll be the center of conversation. Enjoy!
Instead of saying…
My parents are going to cook me spaghetti and meatballs.
Try…
I’m going somewhere with two experienced chefs who will cater to my every whim.
Instead of saying…
I’ll probably hit up the one sucky hometown bar that all my friends go to.
Try…
I’ll be imbibing apéritifs at a niche microbrewery that all the locals frequent.
Instead of saying…
My dad’s gonna make me clean out the garage with him.
Try…
I plan on assisting the indigenous population with their infrastructure projects.
Instead of saying…
My mom will buy my Starbucks for me.
Try…
It’s all-inclusive.
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