Zach Verdun ‘27
Currently Putting on His Boots
At first, everyone thought “Florida Man” was just a myth.
A creature of legend, known only through crazy headlines and concerning news alerts. But on September 24th, the legend quickly became a reality when “Florida Man” made his way to the Holy Cross campus. Students were quick to question the unusual visitor, who appeared with many of the qualities associated with the “Florida Man” archetype: crazy, chaotic, absurd, and worst of all, wearing flip-flops in the rain. While his true identity remains mysterious, his presence on campus has left many students with one major question: What. Just. Happened.
Fortunately, I am here today to bring you the itinerary of the “Florida Man,” detailing his day throughout his unforgettable stay at Holy Cross.
8:00 a.m. – Arrival
“Florida Man” arrives at Holy Cross, immediately demonstrating his misbehavior by taking off his boots, disregarding basic weather-appropriate footwear, and putting flip-flops on right in front of a security camera.
9:00 a.m. – First Sighting
Students begin to see the mysterious man toppling over trash cans around campus. Some claimed he was drunk. Others claimed he was insane. One person even claimed it was President Rougeau. None of these accounts have been verified.
10:43 a.m. – The First Incident
Students claimed they saw “Florida Man” attempting to completely dismantle the cars in the lots around campus. Yes, quite literally, individually taking apart each part of every moving vehicle.
12:00 p.m. – Lunch
“Florida Man” enters the dining hall, where he is faced with the difficult task of deciding what to eat and where to sit. Reports say he did not end up eating anything, instead attempting to dive into the salad bar, mistaking it for a “dive bar.”
2:00 p.m. – The Second Incident
Details of the second encounter with the “Florida Man” remain unclear. What is known is that something happened, many saw it, and “Florida Man” walked away completely covered in peanut butter.
4:01 p.m. – Departure
After many more hours of chaos and confusion, “Florida Man” was finally seen exiting campus, leaving students to process what happened.
Whether “Florida Man” will ever return is yet another mystery that remains unknown. What he left, however, was a legacy. A legacy that would inspire the next generation of students to misbehave in their state. Perhaps in the future we may see a “Massachusetts Man,” a “New Hampshire Man,” or even a “Canada Man.” Ok, well, the last one probably won’t happen because everyone knows Canadians are overly nice. For now, though, one thing is certain: the legend of the “Florida Man” is actually real, and he wears flip-flops.
Image Courtesy of iStock
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