Charlotte MacQuattie
Cozy Correspondent
Junior Mattie Ress was not surprised to see her roommate, Kat Knapp, napping after class on Friday. It was their usual naptime of 3 pm, and Mattie figured that her fatigued friend would eventually wake up for dinner at 6, but as the hours ticked by and Kat proceeded without a stir, Mattie began to worry. “I know she stayed up pretty late Thursday night studying, but she never misses mac and cheese night at Kimball.” Nevertheless, Kat snoozed on. According to Mattie, she slept through vacuuming, the upstairs neighbor’s Irish step dance routine, and their suitemates performing the entirety of Hamilton. “Many college students adapt to noisy dorms, but we don’t often see this level of slumber,” says sleep expert Mimi Hunq-Shu. Saturday morning rolled around without any sign of waking from Kat. Not even the Good Time Marching Band disturbed her as they paraded through campus. Kat slept on, alternating sleep positions between fetus, starfish, salsa dancer, vampire in coffin, and Family Guy death pose. Her suitemates attempted to wake her by wafting in the smell of a Cool Beans coffee, but to no avail. “I was a little worried to leave her by going to the tailgate,” recounted Mattie. “But my mom brought pigs in a blanket, and I wasn’t going to miss out on those.” Saturday night came and went, and Kat remained snug as a bug. Suitemate Anne Somnia was beginning to envy Kat’s ability to rest so peacefully and flicked on the light to wake her. But armed with an eye mask and a weighted blanket, Kat persisted. On Sunday morning, Mattie called in reinforcements, getting someone from NROTC to play “Reveille” in the dorm. Nevertheless, not even Uncle Sam could disrupt Sleeping Beauty. The suitemates finally gave up on little Miss Rip Van Winkle after that and hoped the fear of missing class would get her up on Monday. Sure enough, they woke the next morning to find Kat drinking her Cool Beans latte in the common room, not a care in the world. When asked about her slumber, she said it was, “Pretty solid. I had a weird dream I was in the Army, though.”
Image courtesy of BpHope.com
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