Caitlin Wiffler ‘27
Friend of Townhouse 1D Member
WORCESTER, MA — Sophomore Grace Pine ‘29 was found trapped in the horrific situation commonly referred to as “small talk” this Thursday during a student band’s roaring cover of Paramore’s “Ain’t It Fun.” Reporters on the scene say that the incident occurred in Townhouse 1D at 12:13 a.m., with Pine’s eyes locked on the culprit: sophomore Jane Dough ‘29. The two began their conversation after Pine was seen leaving the bathroom. “It was the worst possible timing,” Pine whined. “I had no out. She saw me leave the bathroom. I couldn’t go back in. My friends were right next to me too, so it’s not like I could’ve said I had to go find them! I was held hostage by conversation.”
To make matters worse, the place was packed like sardines. Even if Pine’s friends were across the room, it would be a kamikaze to jump in that ocean of partiers. Pine revealed that the topic of conversation was their “study abroad plans.” With every yodel cried out from the lead singer, Pine squinted her eyes tighter, thinking that blurring her eyesight would somehow help her hearing.
“What does one do at these things? Jane’s a nice girl, but I can’t hear a thing she’s saying! Truthfully, I don’t actually care at all if she goes to Australia or Italy in the Spring; I just wanted to hear the band play!” Pine said. “And not for nothing, but Jane is, like, insanely tall. She towers over me.”
Onlookers noticed the polite nodding of the girls’ heads as they continued this disappointing exchange. After what felt like thirty minutes (a mere 2 minutes in actuality), Pine plucked up the courage to pretend to hear her friend call her name.
Image courtesy of Business Insider
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