Patrick Ryan ’27
Sixth Man of the Year
WORCESTER, MA— Last Friday, Bob Cousy was found dead excited about the staged reading premiere of “The Last Pass,” Vincent Murphy’s adaptation of a NYT-bestselling book chronicling Celtics legend Bob Cousy’s memories of his partnership with teammate Bill Russell throughout the racial tensions of mid-century America. When he heard that the Prior Performing Arts Center would be hosting the event, Mr. Cousy croaked, “Oh boy, I can’t wait, that’s great!”
Right before the event was about to begin, Mr. Cousy expired, slowly releasing all the air from his lungs. “Sorry, folks,” he went on to say, “I just need to take a deep breath before I watch this. I’m just so thrilled!” As the show progressed, it became strikingly clear that Mr. Cousy passed away countless scoring opportunities, instead choosing to pass the ball to his teammate Bill Russell. When the staged reading finished, Mr. Cousy sadly succumbed to his emotions, letting a single tear run down the side of his face.
On the way out of the PAC, Mr. Cousy kicked the bucket and bit the dust when he tripped over a pail that some careless janitor had left out and landed on his face. “Ow, that sure hurt!” Mr. Cousy yelped. “Anyways, I’m off to go push up daisies. My garden has been needing some serious work!” Mr. Cousy’s history with the Celtics will certainly be remembered for generations to come. Last we heard, Mr. Cousy is in a better place, reportedly at his vacation home in Florida.
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