Kathryn Pellicotte ’29
Lost!
He’s big, he’s hairy, he’s the hide and seek icon. Whether you’ve realized it or not, you’ve probably had an encounter with the biggest boy in the forest. You do know who I’m talking about, right? Sass Crotch, Big Feet, or something like that. Could it be an ordinary man in abnormally large shoes? Could it be your average Joe dressed up in a Chewbacca costume from Spirit Halloween? Not a chance! Big Foot actually exists, and we have a story to prove it.
It was a misty and moonless night in the Moreland Woods of Worcester, Mass. What could be lurking within the shadows of those trees? A man? A beast? Perhaps both? Such questions lingered in the mind of John S. Crumpleton, a local Worcesterian who was in the midst of his nightly walk in a pitch black forest. The sub-degree temperature amplified the existing chill within the bones of Mr. Crumpleton, but he was not deterred. Old Johnny had one life goal and one life goal only: to discover the big forest fella. That’s right. He was hunting Big Foot.
Guided by the Jesuit spirit, John crept through the snow, barely making a dent in its perfect white surface as he passed. Everything was silent. Too silent. John was keenly aware of the thumping of his heart, and it seemed to be growing louder with each step. Thump. Thump. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. The thumping continued to grow until it reached a decibel that was deafening. It echoed between the trees and caused clumps of snow to slide off of the branches. A horrible feeling of dread came over John. His eyes shifted around nervously and his arms began to flail about in a most absurd manner. Suddenly, in the trees right in front of him, a great shadow began to emerge. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. John knew that this was not the sound of his heart; they were footsteps that were growing closer, closer, louder, LOUDER, AND THEN — everything was silent. John carefully peeked through his tightly squeezed eyes and slowly took his hands away from their position of covering his face. Standing in front of him was a little man-like creature who was the size of a small child. This creature had precious, doll-like feet, but was wearing a pair of humongous shoes with little gold straps on top. Things were becoming all too clear for poor John. The forest man was in fact hairy, and his huge green eyes were absolutely petrified as he stared up at his discoverer.
“Wha-What ARE you??” The creature finally managed to sputter, sending showers of spit from the corners of its mouth.
“I’m inclined to ask you the same question,” John retorted. The disappointment of the discovery was beginning to make him angry.
“Why, it is I! The one and only Big Shoe *cough* Foot!” The creature was looking more scared than ever, and John was unsure of how to respond. He had dedicated the majority of his life to hunting… this?
“I’m a human — a middle-age finance bro with a passion for Big Feet to be exact”, John said with a hint of sarcasm.
The supposed “Big Foot” let out a terrible scream and immediately began to cower away.
“You’re a–a–a finance bro!? Those things exist!!? I – I can’t believe this!” And with that, Big Foot’s eyes swiveled back towards his brain and he fainted into the snow.
Bewildered and absent of pity, John S. Crumpleton spun on his heel and began to trudge home. This fateful night was a hard pill to shallow, and John was considerably crushed by the discovery that Big Foot didn’t believe in him either.
Copy Edited by Lily Wasmund (Feb. 2, 2026)
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