Piper Guiney ‘28
Judging by that haircut, he might be actually blind too.
Fall has fallen here on The Hill! The leaves are changing (get a room, am I right!), the coffee now has cinnamon in it, and, most importantly, Holy Cross Football is back in full swing (and a whiff). In typical HC football fashion, we’ve won just about as many games as America has had women presidents. Despite our blasphemous record, there is some joy to be found in the football season, and that is tailgating! With the tailgate season upon us, students have enjoyed standing around awkwardly with their friends’ parents who brought stale cookies and half cooked burgers, with both students and parents alike thinking “I’m not nearly drunk enough for this.”
One student in particular was very excited to get the season going. Johnny Jonaldseed, a freshman from the town from Footloose and the world’s biggest football fan, could not be more excited. I spoke to Johnny briefly at the Holy Cross vs. URI tailgate where he informed me that “this tailgate is my moon landing.” I thought this was odd, considering the tailgate was real, but whatever. He also informed me that he bought an entirely new, entirely “purple” outfit for this special occasion, complete with a little purple book to keep track of players stats. Anywhom, it was safe to say that Johnny was beyond stoked to see the Crusaders (hopefully) triumph by kicking an oblong pigskin ball through a big “H”. All was well for Johnny Jonaldseed, right? Wrong.
You see, Johnny was stricken with an ailment that affects approximately 1 in every 12 men, he was colorblind. He often mixed up blue and orange, green and yellow, and, most noticeable, purple and red. You may be thinking, “how does he not know about this?” “Well,” Johnny’s mother, Joany, justified, “Johnny’s journey was full of judgement and joking. Johnny was a jaundiced junior and shown a jaw-dropping yellow. However, Johnny had no idea and was a joyful and jazzy kid. I didn’t want to burst his yellow bubble.” Anyway, Johnny did show up to the Holy Cross vs. URI tailgate in an entirely red outfit, mimicking that of an anorexic Santa Claus.
So please folks, if you see johnny walking around showing off his “purple” pride, please be kind and go along with the bit. Thank you and goodnight.
Featured image courtesy of Holy Cross Magazine
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