Patrick Ryan ’27
Suck it bison!
BUFFALO, NY—Last week, two Buffalo buffalo, who had previously been buffaloed by two other Buffalo buffalo, were spotted buffaloing yet another two Buffalo buffalo. According to eyewitness Buffalo buffaloes, the Buffalo buffalo (the ones who had first been buffaloed by other Buffalo buffalo, NOT the ones who were buffaload by the Buffalo buffalo who were buffaloed by the original Buffalo buffalo) were reportedly so devastated by being buffaloed by Buffalo buffalo (their own flesh and blood after all) that they felt the only solution was to buffalo other Buffalo buffalo. This recent buffaloing of Buffalo buffalo is consistent with the recent rise in Buffalo buffalo-on-Buffalo buffalo crime, a tragic development for Buffalo buffalo everywhere (but especially Buffalo).
In response to this buffaloing, the buffalo mayor of Buffalo issued this statement: “My fellow Buffalo buffalo, the buffaloing of Buffalo buffalo has simply gone too far. What’s worse, Buffalo buffalo who have been previously buffaloed by other Buffalo buffalo are at a 200% higher risk of buffaloing other Buffalo buffalo! This buffaloing must end now, lest we return to the dark times when that wretched hunter Buffalo Bill buffaloed the Buffalo buffalo employees of Buffalo Wild Wings before the Buffalo Bills game, simply because they forgot his Buffalo Chicken dip!”
“To prevent anything like that from happening again, I plan on introducing the Buffalo Bill Bill, which will bill any Buffalo buffalo that buffalo Buffalo buffalo, especially if the dispute is over something wild like a couple of bills. Furthermore, Buffalo will proudly be hosting those wild Wings, who have agreed to reform in an effort to quell the Buffalo buffalo-on-Buffalo buffalo violence. The Wings will be joined by Buffalo Springfield, and for those who are wondering where, when, and what venue the concert will be, the answer is Buffalo, Spring, field. We Buffalo buffalo can only hope that that maniac Buffalo Bill will not show up and start skinning Buffalo buffalo.
Featured image courtesy of Google Images
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