Piper Guiney ‘28
I heard the Barden Bellas were on the short list too
As the snow begins to melt and Holy Cross guys trade in their Sperrys for flip-flops, everyone around campus is murmuring about this year’s upcoming spring concert! Students fondly recall this yearly event as the perfect way to listen to some F-List celebrities only hit on a loop for two hours and make many new sweat stains. However, my peers and I are all anxious to know who will be torturing our ears this year. I, on behalf of The Eggplant, decided to interview a few students on this matter.
Jwayne Dohnson (Class of ‘27) confided in me that “Man, I heard it’s going to be Oasish, the Oasis cover band. Better than nothing I guess.” Whereas his friend, Ryan Gooseling claims “No dude, I heard it’s Chappelle Roan. He’s some guy that does Dave Chappelle bits to the beat of Chappell Roan songs. Either way, disappointing.” Disappointing is right.
As I continued my interviews around campus, almost every student was upset with the potential headliners they had heard. “I thought someone said it was going to be Doechii, but turns out they were just sneezing,” said a disgruntled junior. I asked senior Kimberleigh McTimberleigh if she had heard any rumors about who might be performing. “Well, speaking of Rumors, I heard it might be Lindsay Buckingham! I love her!” Kimberleigh responded. *sigh*
After asking around, I heard that one freshman, Rachel DaHubbahubba, knew for sure who the spring concert performer this year would be. After some back and forth, I was finally able to set up a one-on-one with Ms. DaHubbahubba. “Well, I’m really not supposed to say, but my friend’s older sister’s boyfriend’s roommate’s spikeball teammate works for CAB, and HE said that it’s going to be… (drumroll)… Amy Winehouse!!” (Who’s gonna tell her.)
Ultimately, all of my interviews were dead ends (literally). I guess there really is no way of knowing. Unless… unless we all stormed the CABitol and demanded an answer. Who’s with me?!
Featured image courtesy of Holy Cross Magazine
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