The Spire

Patrick Ryan ’27

Living In a Van Down By The River

The College of the Holy Cross is bigger than ever. Literally. In 2022, the College admitted just over 900 students to the Class of 2026 —-  100 students over the projected amount. To put that amount into perspective, the adjacent classes of 2025 and 2027 both have around 800 students, roughly 12 percent smaller than the Class of 2026. This “over-admission” as some would call it, has had significant effects on the College. Class sizes have been inflated, scholarship money has been stretched, and academic advisors are now tasked to manage more students. But perhaps the most significant impact of this unprecedented class size has been its effect on housing. The College has a limited number of rooms, and it is not as easy to create entire dormitories as it is to create extra spots in classes. Subsequently, it has become commonplace for sophomores to stay in freshman dorms for an extra year, as the typical sophomore dorms are already at full capacity. While the addition of the Townhouses has somewhat alleviated this issue, the underlying problem remains, as growing applicant pools will continue to outpace the amount of residence housing being created at the College. So, in an effort to maintain their guaranteed housing policy and remain appealing to prospective students, Holy Cross has opted to make some unorthodox property purchases. Starting in 2025, students will be able to select “off-campus tent encampments” as their preferred housing for the following year. Per the College’s announcement, students will be able to enjoy “rich community blooming with opportunities to interact with nature —-  both flora and fauna alike.” Housing options will range from quad fully-equipped tents all the way to single sleeping bags. Room and board costs will be significantly less, and students living on the encampment will have access to an exclusive dining plan consisting of wild berries, nuts, and small game. Brad Grylls ’26, a Holy Cross sophomore, expressed his excitement to join the wooded encampment his senior year. “I can’t wait to spend my nights catching my dinner, and go to bed looking up at the stars. It’s about time this place had housing options for people who don’t want to be confined somewhere with modern amenities.” 

Ralph Waldo Emerson also commented that he fully supports this new direction of housing at the College. He commented publicly, “This bold, new direction for student housing will allow students to imitate the worst excesses of suburban youth culture while also creating an entire class of pseudo- intellectual justifications for the capitalist propaganda. I, for one, can’t wait.”

The Holy Cross Administration so far has refused to comment, leaving professors to fill in the gaps. One history Prof. on the condition of anonymity, responded to the Eggplant’s request for information with, “What in the world are you talking about?”

This new addition is likely the College’s way of killing two birds with one stone, as the institution has faced the previously mentioned housing issue and problems with homeless communities living just off campus. By buying up the former homeless encampment, Holy Cross has given students the opportunity to really connect with nature, and gentrify some untamed wilderness. 

Copy Edited by Sabine Hinkaty ’26