Ben Capocci ’26
Climate Change Denier
Dear future me,
Jonathan pulled up with my phone this morning saying someone he referred to as Milly was spamming my device. Something about Lamar Jackson…? I’m not sure, I wasn’t expecting It girl Millie Bobby Brown from the world wide phenomenon television Stranger Things streaming on Netflix to be hitting my line, but I’m not complaining. But, why does that girl with the chronic nose bleeding know anything about my constant begging of Bill to go after Lamar. Whatever, I’m sure my girl MBB, as I call her, knows what she’s talking about. Maybe this is my chance to finally get what I want after Bill has stolen everything from me.
Jonathan returned and pulled me out of bed. With his help, I got dressed for the day. One leg at a time, my boy pulled my pants on. This is one of his most important roles as team President.
A nice blue suit, tailored just for my liking, was my outfit of choice for the day. A gift from my buddy Donnie T. He always takes such good care of me.
Anyways, I need to talk to Millie now. I can finally get back at Bill for letting go of my Tommy. I would have given anything for him. I offered to fly him down to Florida with me for a weekend. I told him he would be the team president when he retired. The team would have been his (Don’t tell Jonathan), but that old sack of crap Belicheck in his two pairs of clothes took him away from me. How could he? Why does he need to hold onto the money instead of paying my son- I mean former quarterback? But now, I can finally redeem myself and find another relationship like I had before! And maybe the team might be better.
I had hope for McCorkle when we drafted him, but I’m afraid that he will never live up to the standard that was set by Tommy. And I’m not even referring to football. Tommy would come and visit me everyday following practice. He would feed me my food, keep me company as I complained about my tough day with Jonathan and Bill, and tuck me into bed after supper around 4:30. Mac doesn’t do any of that! I let Bill spend a whole first round pick on a guy who won’t even sing me lullabies! What was I thinking? And on top of all that, he sucks at football. I have to get into contact with Millie now. Wish me luck!
Dear Future Robby,
So… it wasn’t Millie Bobby Brown. A little disappointed, not gonna lie. I love Stranger Things. But, it was my close friend Meek Mill! Dreams and Nightmares goes so hard!!!! Anyway, he just told me that Lamar wants to come to New England!!! We had a very nice conversation that concluded with us agreeing that we both missed Tommy and that Bill is the worst. But, that can be redeemed if he goes out and gets Lamar. I need a new quarterback in my life. I don’t know how to let Mac down, though. I think he is getting attached. Of course! I’ll make Jonathan do it. If he complains I’ll just reassure him that he will be getting the team some day. (I already changed my will to give it to Tommy #Yikes).
Let’s hope Billy goes through with this. It’s a win-win for both of us. Lamar Jackson is a phenomenal football player that wants to be here and will fit right in for years to come, and I need Mac out. He is awful.
I am fairly sure that Belichick will finally do what is best for the team. He can’t possibly let his ego get in front of him again. It has become clear that it was always Tommy and that he can’t do it by himself, and he must know that! This is going to happen and I couldn’t be more excited. I can’t wait to look at Jonathan’s face when I tell him #lol.
Later that year, Bill Belichick decided not to give up two first round picks for Lamar Jackson. He used the Patriots first round pick to draft Avery Young out of Rutgers, a projected 7th round selection.
Cover photo courtesy of The New England Patriots
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