Ben Lepper ‘25

Read James Joyce Once

Ok well it’s time to harass wait maybe I shouldn’t say harass that makes it sound like I’m mean to them when I’m really not okay so it’s time to ask my writers what they want to write about for this week maybe they will actually cover Holy Cross sports without me asking them to because after all we are the Holy Cross student newspaper and all okay what should I send them hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm seems like a slow week we handled all the Sader athletics last few weeks and there isn’t much going on professionally to talk about

So what am I going to do I have to text my writers something to write about maybe someone got suspended in the NHL for being really stupid and trying to kill someone ah here yes Jordan Binnington Jordan Binnington is a psychopath why do they give him such a big stick okay good Binnington there’s one idea what else hmmmmmmmmmmmm why is it so warm out right now it’s literally March this is nonsensical no no no focus focus focus this is paper time this is not look outside at the pretty flowers time come on dude get it together

Alright so we have Binnington trying to hurt some dude on Minnesota for a possible article but what else is there the NHL just switched jersey providers to Fanatics and everyone hates it so that could be something except I really don’t care about who provides the jerseys and why would I waste article space on oh come on do the neighbors really have to start having a shouting match with each other right now I am really trying to focus this is not helping I need to come up with ideas and these dudes are literally Mortal Kombatting each other why don’t I go to Dinand and write oh yeah that’s right it’s because I’m lazy and don’t want to leave my room great job glorious leader you’re the real hero

Can these guys shut up I am genuinely getting annoyed now I don’t want to have to go next door and tell them to shut up okay good they stopped I said right foot creep ooh walking with that heater look around stay low make sure they don’t okay no stop you are not Youngboy you cannot do this right now it is time to start writing an article no you can’t even write yet text the group chat first what is going on with you please just get yourself together it should not be this hard to come up with ideas for your writers I said right foot creep NO STOP IT PLEASE FOCUS YOU CAN LISTEN TO THAT SONG LATER why am I even obsessed with this song right now I don’t even like Youngboy it’s like my random obsession with Mo Bamba by Sheck Wes man I love that song it’s so good

STOP IT NOW YOU NEED TO FOCUS okay cool article ideas uhhhhhh NBA what is happening in the NBA right now oh man Ja Morant completely forgot that dude existed man he’s really fallen off a cliff I’m not even sure I want to cover that because it’s so serious who am I kidding Ja Morant Ja Morant Ja Morant Ja Morant Ja Morant okay enough maybe put that into the text message what else how about a Sweet 16 and Elite 8 recap that sounds good everyone loves March Madness I do for sure I want Michigan State to win it all this year go Spartans oh wait no hold on they lost to Kansas State also Bama wins in my bracket never mind Roll Tide go Bama wait what do you mean they lost to San Diego State that’s not good my bracket is dead would make for a good article tho

Okay so we have Ja Morant Jordan Binnington Bama losing but those are all depressing we need a feel good story this week has there been any feel good stories maybe that one guy in the WBC forgot his name but he threw 20 pitches for Japan and like 18 were over 100 that is a strong armed man okay cool how about some other good stories uhhh maybe we could focus on our NFL prospects right here at Holy Cross oh yeah I love that idea maybe one of them will go to the league I really hope they do and then they can be teammates with Benton perhaps or maybe Kalif yeahhhhh alright someone’s gotta do that

Why am I even wasting time doing this honestly each of my guys are gonna have their own idea I put so much work into coming up with ideas but I don’t even need to because my guys care about writing and I appreciate them tenfold for that ooooh tenfold that’s a fun word tenfold tenfold tenfold tenfold tenfold tenfold tenfold tenfold alright so that’s cool time to send the text wait why is there a fly in my room I hate flies yes I do Yes.

Photo courtesy of NCAA