Brian Saville ‘22
Writer, but only about animals
Ever since Iggy the Crusader quit his job as the College of the Holy Cross’ mascot several years ago to pursue a career in accounting, the College has struggled to maintain its sense of identity. Without a mascot, how were we to promote school spirit at football games or be recognized on shirts, mugs, and bumper stickers?
Luckily, we have finally found a solution. The Society for Conceiving an Alternative Mascot, or S.C.A.M– a focus group created by Father Boroughs to determine a new mascot for the school– announced on Wednesday that it had finally come to a decision. “After interviewing dozens of candidates, including Officer Gracie and Dr. Anthony Fauci, we have crowned the pigeon that has been wandering around the Hoval for the past week the new mascot of the College of the Holy Cross,” announced Emily Bezzle, the co-chair of S.C.A.M., in an email that zero students actually saw because it was buried among announcements regarding HC Chair pickup times.
The pigeon, nicknamed Homer by Classics students after it attended their Homerathon event, set up shop on the Hoval last week and has been engaging with the community ever since. The bird’s origins are unknown, though some speculate based on its friendly nature that it is an escaped pet, or perhaps a refugee from the psychology department. Regardless of where it’s from, our avian friend is now indisputably a hallmark of life on campus. “I was a bit apprehensive about a wild bird approaching me at first,” remarked Leah Mialone ‘22, a frequent doer of homework on the Hoval. “But after [Homer] pooped all over my econ textbook, I knew we were bonded for life.”
We reached out to Father Boroughs for comment, and he’s so checked out at this point that he actually responded. “I think this is an important step for the Holy Cross community,” declared our fearless leader. “By engaging with all sorts of members of our community and brightening their days during these difficult times, Homer has proven himself to be a bird for and with others– a true exemplar of our Jesuit values. He will make a wonderful mascot for Holy Cross.” Father Boroughs then went back to browsing Florida timeshares on Zillow.
Others are a bit more apprehensive about our new winged mascot. “I prefer Shieldy the Purple Shield, and frankly I’m going to miss her,” lamented one student who chose to remain anonymous. “He’s a bird… he works for the bourgeoisie.”
“I think S.C.A.M. is scamming us,” commented Conor Spiracy ‘23. “We never saw Iggy without his helmet on, so who’s to say he wasn’t a pigeon the entire time, and this is just his way of trying to sneak back onto campus after dropping out of accounting school?”
Whether you like it or not, it seems that Homer the Pigeon is here to stay, and will soon have his likeness plastered all over every piece of Holy Cross paraphernalia. Students on campus can find Homer wandering aimlessly around the Hoval nearly anytime, any day. Students not on campus can log onto Holy Cross’ Hoval livestream to watch a collection of six white pixels slowly meander across the screen.