Greg Hausler ‘20
Breaking: The Eggplant has obtained records of a Holy Cross student requesting an extension on all assignments due to injury. While this seems like common procedure, our sources have leaked to us that this story is the first of its kind but signifies what could become a growing trend due to the quarantine mandate of the Coronavirus pandemic. The student did not break a leg, arm, or foot. The student is not ill, and has shown no signs of the virus. Below we have pasted a direct copy of the student’s email to his professor and his professor’s reply, both of whom will remain anonymous due to Title IX.
Hope all is well with you and you are managing in such a strange time. I am reaching out to request an extension on my assignments due to a rare injury, one of which I am frankly embarrassed to inform you about. I have Carpal Tunnel in not one but BOTH of my hands due to excessive video game playing. You may be sitting there thinking to yourself “Really?! This kid has got to be lying. If you’re gonna lie at least be realistic.” Sadly I wish I was lying as the truth is far more embarrassing than any lie I can make up. I have both hands in braces and am incapable of typing, in fact this email was dictated via Siri who is going to become my new best friend. You may be wondering how I let it get to this point of no return, well the answer is simple… Call of Duty: Warzone and MLB The Show 2020 recently were released and have been my sole focus in this time of despair. I have done the readings and am more than willing to thoroughly discuss on the phone with you but felt it was my responsibility to make you aware of this.
Dear (name redacted),
I appreciate the honesty and your desire to come forward with this embarrassing injury. Honestly, I am not going to sugar coat this and say “don’t worry about it. The times are tough or something along those lines.” I simply ask that you get all of the work done for our course whenever you can and you will not lose points. This injury is concerning as it shows that you’re sole priority is your PlayStation instead of your academics but nonetheless I do understand the desire to distract oneself by any means possible in such a strange time. I found myself watching Joe Exotic: Tiger King for 8 hours and only realized it when the credits scrolled at the end of the last episode and Netflix redirected me to my most previously watched show… Frazier. Rest those hands and give me a call when you get the chance, I have a strange feeling this will not be the last injury due to video games that I will hear about this semester.
Professor (name redacted)
Names have been redacted to protect the privacy of all involved