Conspiracy Theorists Insist Ciampi Hall Not Real

By Matt Anderson ’21
Ciampi Truther

It looked to be a normal day. The weather was fair and I was traveling to Cool Beans to interview a fellow student who had reached out. 

“I mean have you ever been inside it? Ciampi Hall I mean,” blurted the student, who introduced himself as Alex Johnson, before I could even sit down. “I haven’t, and I haven’t met anyone who has,” he continued, clearly agitated. 

At first, I thought his claims were preposterous, but when I stopped to think about it, I realized that I hadn’t even set foot on Ciampi Hall’s lawn. All I could remember was that I was pretty sure it was blue. 

“No,” I answered. “Why?” 

“I mean some people don’t even know it exists! Personally, I’ve never seen anyone go in or out of it” responded Alex, his voice growing shrill. Before I could reply, Alex continued. “It’s like the Mandela Effect, like how we remember the Monopoly Man having a monocle even though he didn’t. I don’t think Ciampi’s even there, it’s a lie told to us by the Deep State administration to keep us from that part of campus.”

I left the interview with more questions than answers. Luckily, Alex had connected me with a forum full of like-minded ‘Saders skeptical of the existence of Ciampi. Scrolling through it I saw grainy black and white photos that claimed Ciampi wasn’t there. Increasingly, boards have been urging for a raid of the area where the College claims Ciampi Hall is, to settle once and for all if something is up there. 

To answer the question of if I believe these conspiracies or not, all I can say is I don’t know. And if Ciampi Hall were a lie, what else might be? Did the Great Mulledy Fire of 2018 occur? Is SCONE an industry plant? What else might we take for granted?

Categories: Eggplant

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