Recently Kimball Dining Hall announced they will be looking to hire more student workers to deal with some of the worst types of people on campus: the chat-cutters on Chicken Parm night. For those unfamiliar with the term, or unaware that they themselves are one, a chat-cutter is someone who tries to sneakily cut the overly long line to get the famous Chicken Parmesan dinner by merging into another group near the front by starting a conversation. For example, this scenario is probably very familiar: two kids are getting closer to the front of the line when their friend appears out of nowhere. The friend, still not in line, says something like, “Hey! How’s it going? I love chicken parm! How was your summer? etc” and as the conversation ensues they slowly merge into the line. Before you know it, they have skipped over half the line under the guise of catching up with their friends!
This is a critical issue facing our school and I’ll tell you now, stopping these crafty line cutters will be no easy task; it is certainly not for the faint of heart. Candidates for the Chicken Parm Night Anti-Chat-Cutting Task Force (CPNACCTF) will undergo weeks of intense training before being even considered for the position. Eventually these select students will be fully equipped to spot chat-cutters and escort them to the back of the line, where they belong! In addition, The CPNACCTF will also devote their efforts to preventing any other forms of cutting including the people that “just want to sneak in and grab some garlic bread.” So be warned chat-cutters, this terrible game is over and your devious ways will no longer be tolerated! Justice will return to Kimball and no one will unfairly move through the line again.