James Condon ‘30
Defunutly literate
After weaks of tenuous back and froth, the president of the Eggplant Coffe Editors younion
(loco #451) has declard a stroke, demaning beater working condishins for her editors. A coat emaled by the precedent said the following.
“I think the issues are two-fold, but it can be boiled down to a lack of respect for the copy editors’ time and talent.”
I decidered to sat down with the presnet to discuise the issue furher, who gracefully provided me width the conservation trabnscripys to copy and pasta:
James: “So what’s these supposed big issues that are going on?”
Eggplant Copy Editor Union: Well the first thing is like do you know how late you guys send stuff in? Like we have a meeting on Sunday and you guys write like on Tuesday morning. Like i dont know if its like you have writers block till Tuesday at 3 in the morning but its got to end!
James: Wait I thought you guys were Nocternal or something like I never see you around in the day.
Eggplant Copy Editor Union: THAT’S BECAUSE WE HAVE TO SPEND ALL OUR DAY FIXING YOUR STUPID SPELLING MISTAKES. And wait can we talk about that for a second, cause that’s problem two.
James: Wait what do you mean?
Eggplant Copy Editor Union: Y’Know for a bunch of Polisci and English Majors, you guys are horrible at spelling. Like I get people slip up once in a while and that’s what we are here for, but when you guys write it feels like you just don’t care where your fingers hit the keyboard.
James: I think I spell word and do grammar pretty good!
Eggplant Copy Editor Union: Yeah, and I’m sure the Eboard thinks that when half of the Spire’s budget is sent to fund a forensics lab specifically to try to understand what you guys write.
James: Um… ok that actually seems kinda bad. But I guess like, hey, I’m punchline focused, y’know? Always gunning for the next joke and such. So it gets ahead of me sometimes.
Eggplant Copy Editor Union: James. Are you serious? Did no one tell you we spend half the time replacing your stupid jokes and ghostwriting over them.
James: Wait what? Even “Robot Godzilla destroys easy street dorms”
Eggplant Copy Editor Union: Oh that one? No, that was beyond saving. We just replaced it with a Haiku.
James: Did you at least like where Robot Godzilla said “Easy street, more like easy to destroy street! HAHAHAHA”?
Eggplant Copy Editor Union: No, not even that.
In short, it scenes taht teh copy editors will wemain on strike until there demans are agreedy-ed to. But as 4 now no news of such an agreement has been made.
Utter than taht, eggplant seems to be rolling on as usual. With a sneak peek of article titles next week sush as “Poefessor bwings shark into cwass” and “Godzeella defeeted by pub safe”!
Copy edited by: ummmm no one, yeah im committed to the bit
P.S: Thank you copy-editors!
Leave a Reply