The Spire

Caitlin Wiffler ‘27

RSO Leader of Three Clubs

You have been selected by OSI to fill out this form. We really value your efforts as a Holy Cross student, and we’d like for you to apply to speak at graduation. We want to hear from the real Holy Cross students—those who have bled purple for the past four years. All you have to do is write an essay about what your time at Holy Cross has meant to you. Oh! Also, please take this quiz, so we know who to weed out:

1. In class, you’re most likely to be known as…
   1. The one who’s always ready to read a paragraph (or three!)
   2. The one who doodles all over their notebook.
   3. The one who’s always monkeying around! 
2. After classes, you’re most likely to be…
   1. In the SGA office, smoking a cigar, telling sophomores they’ve got to “get their head in the game. Our election is more important than your midterms. Oh, you said THE midterms? Of what? The “U.S.”? What are you spelling “us” for? That’s what I’m trying to say, the election for us—the SGA—is the most important thing happening right now.” 
   2. Playing tunes on WCHC 88.1 FM!
   3. Eating a banana.
3. Which phrase are you most likely to overhear being said about you?
   1. “Hey, that was my OL!”
   2. “I want her at my next party.”
   3. “Where’d he get that grappling hook?”

MOSTLY As

Thank you! You are the perfect candidate for us. You are one of the five students we choose for these types of things. Oh, yes—you’re in our office right now. 

MOSTLY Bs

Ahh, you’re, like, not in SGA. Yikes. And you’re not an OL? Are you at least a tour guide? No? Oh, you got denied because you weren’t an OL? Mmm. That’s a shame. Well, we appreciate you taking the time to fill this out. What was that? You’re in CAB? Pffsh. Please. You mean the poor man’s SGA…

MOSTLY Cs

Ooh ooh ahh ahh! Translation: You are that monkey with a grappling hook. Please give the grappling hook back. It’s not funny anymore. 

Copy Edited by Eliza Martin ‘29

Featured image courtesy of College of the Holy Cross