The Spire

Tucker Scott ’26

1. Why do vegetables listen to music?
   1. To hear the beet drop

2. Why did the scarecrow win an award?
   1. Because he was outstanding in his field

3. What do houses wear?
   1. Address

4. What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
   1. I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus

5. When does a joke become a dad joke?
   1. When the punch line is a – parent

6. What’s a volcano’s favorite music?
   1. Lava Flow

7. What kind of car does an Icelander drive?
   1. A Fjord

8. What do you call a sleepy pizza?
   1. A pizzzzzzzzzza

9. What’s brown and sticky?
   1. A stick

10. What’s black and white and goes round and round?
    1. A penguin in a revolving door

11. I had a good joke about construction, but I am still working on it

12. Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, “Do you know how to drive this thing?”

13. What kind of shoes do frogs wear?
    1. Open toad sandals

14. My sister was telling me about her all almond diet. But I told her she was nuts!

15. Two slices of bread went on a date. It was loaf at first sight

16. How do you make holy water?
    1. You boil the hell out of it

17. How do cattle do math?
    1. With a cowculator

18. Knock knock
    1. Who’s there
       1. Spell
          1. Spell who?
             1. W h o

19. Knock knock
    1. Who’s there
       1. Atch
          1. Atch who?
             1. Bless you

20. Knock knock
    1. Who’s there
       1. Tank
          1. Tank who?
             1. You’re welcome

21. Air used to be free at the gas station. But now it is $5 thanks to inflation

22. My friend recently died, however he remained positive until the very end. When I asked what his blood type was he kept saying Be Positive

23. Have you heard about the new cemetery?
    1. People are dying to get into it

24. A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “You’re in here a lot, are you an alcoholic?” The horse ponders for a minute and then responds, “I don’t think I am” And then poof. He disappears. This is where the philosophy students start to snicker, as they are familiar with Descartes postulate, “I think therefore I am.” But telling you that first would be putting Descartes before the horse

25. What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
    1. Prime mates

26. Why did the dog go to the shade?
    1. To avoid becoming a hot dog

27. I was watching a street magician the other day. He said “uno, dos-” and disappeared without a tres

28. Where does a vampire do business?
    1. At the blood bank

29. How did the pig get to the hospital?
    1. In a hambulance

30. Why was the gift late to the party?
    1. It was all wrapped up

31. What do you call an annoying panda?
    1. Unbearable

32. How do potatoes deal with their issues?
    1. They hash them out

33. Why did the cow go to Hollywood?
    1. To become a MOOvie star

34. My brother told me he wanted to be a salad lawyer. He said he was really into coleslaw

35. What does Michael Jackson like to do on a holiday?
    1. Ski – he

36. What’s a dryer’s favorite exercise?
    1. Spinning

37. What’s a boat’s favorite color?
    1. A rainboat

38. Did you hear about the musician who got arrested?
    1. He was in big treble

39. Did you hear about the party the spirit held?
    1. Turns out he’s a great ghost. However the atmosphere was totally dead. Although those that were there said it was a monster of a mash

40. Did you hear about the peanut who walked around the park at night?
    1. He was aSALTed

41. There was also a coffee who walked around the park, but he was only mugged. Turns out this park is extremely dangerous

42. Did you hear about the child psychic that is on the loose? Yeah, a small medium is at large

43. A pun enters a room and kills ten people. The title of the article the next day: Pun in, Ten dead

44. I was going to tell a joke about sodium, but Na

45. I had a professor tell the class about the benefits of eating dried grapes. He said he was just raisin awareness

46. Why is the Grand Canyon called the Grand Canyon?
    1. Because he thought gargantuan canyon made him sound fat 

47. My mother always told me to never fight a dinosaur. She said son, you’ll get jurasskicked 

48. I knew a guy named Lance. Lance is an uncommon name today. But in medival times people were called Lance a lot

49. What do you call a lion running a copying machine?
    1. A copycat

50. Simba was moving to slowly so I told him to Mufasa

51. I know New York City is the big apple. But does anyone know where Minneapolis?

52. I have terrible news. Over the weekendI was walking down the street and I was hit by some guy with a violin. Then a clarinet. Then a French horn! I think the attack was… orchestrated 

53. What do you call a fancy sea creature?
    1. Sofishticated

54. You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving, you need one to go skydiving twice

55. What do you call a happy cow?
    1. AMOOsed. The cow is in a good MOOd

56. What’s wrong with broken clocks?
    1. Fixing them is a waste of time 

57. What award did the dentist win?
    1. A little plaque

58. Why do crabs never volunteer?
    1. Because they’re shell-fish

59. What do you call an orca who likes books?
    1. Whale read

60. What do you call a sheep who can sing and dance?
    1. Lady ba ba

61. Where did Sally go during the explosion?
    1. Everywhere

62. What are the three steps to get a giraffe in a fridge?
    1. Step 1: open fridge 
    2. Step 2: put giraffe inside
    3. Step 3: close fridge

63. What do you call a musical insect?
    1. A humbug

64. Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
    1. It didn’t have the guts to do it

65. What did one plate whisper to the other plate?
    1. Dinner is on me

66. I was going to say a joke about pizza but it’s too cheesy

67. How do you fix a broken pizza?
    1. With tomato paste

68. What are the four steps to get an elephant in a fridge?
    1. Step 1: open fridge 
    2. Step 2: take giraffe out
    3. Step 3: put elephant inside
    4. Step 4: close fridge

69. What type of music are balloons afraid of?
    1. Pop

70. What type of music do mummy’s listen to?
    1. Rap

71. I moved into an igloo and my friends threw me a house warming party. I’m now homeless

72. I have a scary joke about math… but I’m 22 to say it

73. How do you make a tissue dance?
    1. You put a little boogie in it.

74. What did one wall say to the other wall?
    1. I’ll meet you at the corner 

75. The lion had a birthday party, which animal did not attend?
    1. The elephant, he’s still in the fridge

76. Why are cats bad lawyers?
    1. Because they are always lion under oath

77. Why did the house go to the doctor?
    1. It had window panes

78. Why do potatoes make good detectives?
    1. Because they always keep their eyes peeled

79. Did you hear about the pig that did stand up?
    1. Turns out he was quite a boar

Featured image courtesy of WNCY-FM Green Bay, WI