Holy Cross Cupid
Crush Confusion đź©·
Question:
Me and this girl I really like have been friends pretty much since January. We used to hang out very often, practically 4-5 times a week, but as of the past few months she got busy with work. She works crazy hours and is typically busy 5-6 days a week, and is only really available late into the day, to the point where she’s exhausted from the work of the day and goes straight to sleep.
Sometime mid July I realized I had developed feelings for her, and confessed to her, she told me she appreciates my honesty but that she wouldn’t be able to pursue a relationship due to her lack of time, in any form. She also told me she may be available for relationships later in the year, but told me not to wait for her, and that even if I were to wait, it’s not a guarantee she will get with me.
I understand, since I’m very familiar with her situation but these feelings haven’t subsided and we still hang out although infrequently due to her schedule. Fast forward to now, she’s told me a few things such as “What kinda man is her type” and similar things. Although I’m unsure I like to think I fit the criteria, and I don’t know what I should do, since it still seems like she’s swamped with outside responsibilities. I really don’t want to be a burden to her, or come off as if hanging out with me is a chore of any sort. What should I do?
Answer:
Props to you for being honest about your feelings! It takes a lot of courage to do and is truly admirable. I’m sorry to hear the timing between you two is not aligning right now. Even though there is a chance that she might be interested in a relationship in the future, it wouldn’t be fair for you to wait around hoping that the situation changes. It’s not your job to prove to her that you are enough, as relationships require both people to be equally willing to put in the work.
The best thing to do right now is to respect her decision and give her some space. Being constantly available might make the friendship feel less balanced. Of course, you can continue your friendship, but at a level that makes you comfortable and doesn’t leave you feeling hurt. It is very kind of you to consider her feelings, but it is equally important to prioritize your happiness too.
Since you’ve had feelings for her for a couple of months now, it’s natural that these feelings are not going to magically disappear. It is always a challenge to move on from a friend you have developed feelings for, so be patient with yourself, as it will take time. There is most definitely someone out there who will have the time to spend with you. From what you have shared, it sounds like she is extremely overwhelmed with work, so if things work out in the future, that’s great. In the meantime, you will feel better if you do not wait around, and along the way, you may meet someone more compatible with you and your schedule. Best of luck!
Love,
Holy Cross Cupid
Featured image courtesy of Psychology Today
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