Madison Payne ’29
Staff Writer
The Holy Skunk was spotted back on campus after a recent hiatus, leaving students shocked by his fabulous new appearance. In the beginning weeks of the school year, the skunk could be seen roaming up and down Upper Easy Street, his head low, fur matted, and smelling of shame mixed with the dumpster behind Brooks.
But after an encounter with five fashionable strangers, known for their hit show Queer Eye, the Holy Skunk decided to leave that way of life behind him. The team set up their temporary HQ in an empty classroom in Stein and began working on their transformation.
He first met with Jonathan Van Ness, who gave him a fresh blowout and a new personalized scent of sandalwood and sass. He then turned to Tan France, who produced a brand-new outfit for him, featuring a cropped denim vest and a lavender beret. Antoni Porowski taught him how to scan into Kimball and preorder a coffee on Grubhub, while Jeremiah Brent transformed his empty dumpster into a warm and cozy home.
By the end of the day, the skunk was well-fed and in full glam, tucked into his brand-new sheets. However, his transformation was far from over. In the morning, Karamo Brown took him up to the Joyce Contemplative Center, where they unpacked his rejection issues and rid him of the notion that his natural aroma makes him unlovable. They also worked on not spraying people and respecting boundaries.
Now, he has become a campus icon, with an Instagram account dedicated to sightings of him. This account features photos of him strutting across the Hoval, sipping on a chai latte, and striking a pose for a tour group outside of Dinand.
He is running for SGA President, has become the face of Pride, and he signed a contract with Netflix for the new series, Queer Eye: We Go To College, where he will join the crew in giving full makeovers to students at Jesuit colleges and teach them how to be “men and women who slay for others.”
The Holy Skunk’s fabulous transformation has taught Holy Cross students the importance of self-love and confidence, which he argues are the only things more powerful than his natural scent. If you are interested in hearing more about his story or seeking help from this self-care guru, he gives out advice in Smith 201 every Wednesday at 12 pm.
And you know what?
He still doesn’t pay tuition.
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Featured image courtesy of Scenic Hudson
Copy Edited by Sophia Mariani ’26
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