Hannah Mangiacotti ’29
Staff Writer
Some astute students have noticed a new face on campus: Oscar — the new AI-powered trash can in Croads. Sporting an incandescent yellow glow and smirkish little smile, he’s here to support students in their recycling efforts, and, ultimately, single-handedly solve the climate crisis. His past accolades are so grand and numerous they would make Greta Thunberg combust. They include, but are not limited to: Being a three-time winner of the Nobel Peace Prize, five-time New York Times Best-Selling Author, and recipient of honors from 28 different countries. He’s visiting campus on a break between book tours to revolutionize campus sustainability.
Some students, however, still remain skeptical.
“Wait, how does it work again?” asked junior Jess M., “So, like, you hold trash up to it? And then it tells you where to put it? Oh, ok…and he has how many Peace Prizes again?”
Another student, Grace W., has her own concerns: “So we have these AI trashcans in Croads, but we still put our recycling and trash in the same dumpster outside the dorms?”
When these concerns were brought to administrators, they only responded with:
“Who is this? Barbara Walters?”
Instead, administrators are hailing Oscar “a major leap forward in our school’s climate action plan.” Meanwhile, recycling and trash do, in fact, continue to be disposed of in the same dumpsters, and the AC in the science building seems to be permanently set to “Arctic Circle.”
When asked if one trash can could really reverse centuries of environmental degradation, habitat destruction, biodiversity loss, and resource depletion, a spokesperson responded “Well, he’s got a cute little smile, and—” We then paused to watch a group of students dump their entire lunch contents and recyclable plastic containers into the trash. Completely eschewing Oscar’s gaze. Hm.
But ever resilient, Oscar remains committed to the cause. Some say you can even hear him silently whirring in his existential despair every time someone throws a compostable banana peel into the recycling bin.
Is Oscar the solution to the climate crisis? No, definitely not. But, hey, let’s be honest, he’s doing more than most of us combined.
Featured image courtesy of College of the Holy Cross
Copy Edited by Charlotte Collins ’26
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