Viveca Stucke ’26
Commander in Chief of Campus Gossip
Community at the College of the Holy Cross has always been an incredibly important facet of the student experience, forming connections that make college life not just bearable, but even more memorable. From getting a meal at Kimball with friends, building lasting friendships with classmates, or chatting with fellow students as you wait for your Croads order during the lunch rush, the feeling of community is undeniable. But, despite all the tight knit groups on campus, one stands out for its unmatched sense of camaraderie: Wheeler Hall. Also known as “The Wheelhouse,” Wheeler Hall is a place for life, laughter, and friendship. The students aren’t just friends, they’re a family, brought together by their shared commitment to the art of celebration, serving as scholars in festivities.
Living in Wheeler is like a sport, where the residents approach weekends like seasoned athletes, understanding that rest is for the week and that homework is a challenge for the future. Hydrated, energized, and always in high spirits, the bonds they form are deep, meaningful, and full of fun, which creates a sense of belonging that the first year students can only dream of joining. But, with such a special reputation there is a challenge of ensuring that only those who truly understand the game are allowed to play. Because of this, Wheeler residents have made an effort to preserve their exclusivity, protecting their community and making sure that those who enter know how to contribute to the tradition of celebration.
Determined to make sure there is selectivity for Wheeler, the residents put their heads together to create a plan that would make sure the activities for Wheeler Hall stay in Wheeler Hall. “What if we just lock all the doors on the weekends? No one in, no one out!” suggested Theo Thrill, a resident of Wheeler 3. While his idea had a point, his friends knew it was not the most practical solution. “Before people try to pull up to the function, we should check their student IDs and where they live. If you choose to live somewhere like Healy to snooze, then you lose!” added in Matt Mayhem of Wheeler 2. This seemed impractical, because no matter what, the rumors of their time together would still find their way to the rest of the campus. But, before the group could admit their defeat, Tracy TurnUp had a great idea “What if we created our own code, a secret language that only we could understand?” This idea was perfect, an exclusive form of communication that would keep their social strengths quiet so that only those who were allowed to know could be part of the experience.
Naturally, the residents embraced this idea, using it not just as a fun way to bond but a good way to avoid their parents’ concerns about their growing social life since they’d be studying a new language. “Em naht erom sesuoh eht ot gniog sevol eno no” boasted Frankie Fiasco, who attends the study sessions three times a week, excelling in Wheelzian after just a few short months. “Ksa yeht if rab reelehw kcab nur syalwa lliw i tub” added Ronny Rager, a Wheeler 4 resident who wants to keep the secrets of Wheeler in the Wheelhouse. The new language sparked frustration among other students who felt left out. “It’s not fair that I had a late housing time! I was born to be in Wheeler, and instead, I spend my weekends actually doing homework!” whined Larry Lame, a Lehy 2 resident. The responses from Wheeler residents were not even close to sympathetic as Cassie Confetti stated “esuohleehw eht ot derapmoc gnihton si st yzae, emit txen kcul retteb!”
While the college, and envious Easy Street residents struggle to figure out what Wheelzian means, the residents of Wheeler Hall are celebrating the joy of their secret language. Everyday, they are having the time of their lives, radiating excitement and spreading joy and the Wheeler community has never been closer as they celebrate their friendship and fun.
Featured image courtesy of Holy Cross Magazine
Copy Edited by Lily Wasmund ’28
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