Mack Hughes ‘25
My favorite player is Michael B. Jordan
This year’s Men’s March Madness Tournament was a real nail-biter, with back-to-back upsets and bracket-ending buzzer-beaters. One girl, however, made it out unscathed. This was to the great dismay, and great disgust, of her male tournament group members. Her bracket, titled “Mother-Dunkers,” survived the St. John’s and Clemson devastations, which, according to her, were picked based on vibes. She even said that her BYU pick over Wisconsin was because some chic wearing a “Buckey Badger” sweatshirt gave her a dirty look once. Her extent of basketball knowledge does not go beyond brief glimpses of the game in between getting more buffalo chicken dip at the viewing parties. So, it is safe to say that this girl is nothing short of a divine prophet.
Her guy friends, or rather, her guy friends’ sensitive and fragile ego, must learn to co-exist with their friend who picked Ole Miss over #3 seed Iowa State because the Rebel’s costumes were cuter. Get over it, gentlemen! Get a life, boys!
During the Drake vs. Missouri tragedy, the guys moaned and groaned with a deflated sense of well-being.
“Stop crying, there’s no crying in basketball,” the girl exclaimed.
“Baseball! There’s no crying in baseball!” the toddlers replied in simultaneous breakdown.
When the Eggplant got the opportunity to pick the girl’s brain for any tips and tricks, she responded, “Well, it’s all about statistics, and most importantly, risk management. No matter how good a regular season you have, if you play poorly you’re going to get beat. That’s what March Madness is all about.” “Wow, you clearly have a good handle on the difficult field of probability,” the Eggplant commented. “Nah, I’m just playing. I just pick whoever has the cutest coach, that’s why I had Florida going so far. Shoutout to the Todd-father, *wink-wink*.” “Well said. So, any advice for next year’s bracket?” “Nope! When does the Women’s Tournament start?”
The prize for her bracket was a whopping 10 million dollars, which she plans to spend on growing her emotional support cactus collection. *Cue collective male sighs*
Featured image courtesy of Google Images
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