The Spire

Patrick Ryan ’27

Paranormal Activist

The days of seeing Dracula, Frankenstein, and the Mummy at your doorstep are now long gone. Move over witches and wizards, Spirit Halloween has introduced a new line of costumes sure to strike fear into the hearts of college students. College students? That’s right, college students. Astute analysts as Spirit Halloween’s sales department picked up on a growing trend over the last few years- college students are continuously buying less and less Halloween costumes. Determined to capitalize on a potential market, Spirit Halloween has pledged to appeal to both undergraduates and graduates alike. Researchers have determined that college students don’t stop buying costumes due to Halloween being “for kids,” or because “they are too old to trick or treat,” but for the now-painfully obvious reason that current costumes are not scary enough to college students.

This nugget of wisdom explains some of the most popular introductions into Spirit’s extensive catalog. Ever thought you would see a “fifteen page paper” knocking on your door? Well now you just might! How about a “surprise pop quiz” asking for candy? You may see one on your porch come the 31st! But these two examples are only a small sampling of the ghoulish garments Spirit has released. Keep your eyes peeled for “The Clogged Toilet,” “That One Professor,” and “The Unhygienic Roommate™” out on the streets. And for the fans of the abstract, Spirit has launched some costumes less grounded in reality. You may be handing a KitKat to “Am I Really Happy With the Major I Chose?” soon, or hearing “trick or treat” from “Crippling Loan Debt.”

Despite these seemingly great ideas, Spirit Halloween’s market testing of the costumes proved to be rocky. Many costume testers were met with “what are you supposed to be?” upon the opening of the door. Getrude Archibald, who was exposed to the “What Do I Really Want To Do In Life?” costume, expressed her dismay. “It took him four minutes to explain what he was dressed as,” Archibald grumbled, “by then I was ready for that whippersnapper to just take my candy and beat it.” Nevertheless, Spirit pushed forward in releasing the new line, determined to reach the full potential of their fresh audience. Since launch however, sales have been somewhat lackluster. It seems for all of Spirit Halloween’s in-depth research they overlooked the simple fact that college students are exceedingly dirt poor. Spirit Halloween Paid Advertisement: Hey Holy Cross Students! Be the first to get Spirit’s first costume specifically designed for those on Mt. Saint James! Spook your buddies as a “flight of stairs!”