Eggplant

Holy Cross Sued for Sledding Tragedy

Michael Vail ‘24

Eggplant Editor, Recipient of the 2022 “Most ‘Qualified’ ‘Lawyer’” Award

One steep hill.

Two 2×3 cardboard posters.

Three broken ankles.

Okay, that was an exaggeration. Humans only have two ankles. And my client only broke one of them. Fractured, really. Sprained, if you will. The details are not of importance here. Instead, let’s look at the bigger picture.

What kind of college allows students to engage in such risky behavior such as sledding down a massive slope with many obstacles such as trees and pebbles in their path? A negligent college, I say. One that does not care for our future generations. Who in charge has not taken the opportunity to deforest the trees for our children’s safe passage? Who in charge has not uncovered the pebbles which make their journeys bumpier and cause them to get airtime before they crash down in a blaze of dirty snow? And above all else, who in charge refuses to remove all the hills from our beautiful campus so that it may be perfectly level and safe?

The most protected students on our campus are the ones who stay inside. Does Holy Cross put a bandage on you when you get hurt? Maybe, if you have health insurance. But my law firm doesn’t deal in insurance. We deal in justice. And justice is what my client will get.

My client, a continually loyal member of our community, has but one statement: “I prefer reimbursement in the form of GrubHub gift cards, so that I may order a hearty off-campus breakfast whilst I recover from this trauma.” Holy Cross, will we not honor this student’s humble request? Will we not take action?

[A photograph of the plaintiff’s injury. As you can see, the ankle is severely bruised.]

Graphic by Michael Vail

Categories: Eggplant

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