News in Brief, Week of November 8, 2021

Mario Micallef ‘22

A senior questions whether it’s too late to attend culinary school after successfully following the instructions to a Pillsbury chocolate chip cookie recipe.

A sophomore, acting like a cool bean in Cool Beans, accidentally blew on his donut instead of the hot coffee in his other hand. He is now a measly lukewarm bean.

A varsity athlete takes an elevator up one floor.

The marching band decided to shed its aggressive title and now only responds to the name, ‘The Sauntering Band.’

That desk you sit in every Tuesday and Thursday cries out for your warmth and leg bounces.

A rookie professor smiles as she finishes her assignment for Thanksgiving break and thinks to herself, “The students will all finish this with relative ease and will thank me for giving them something to do over break—I know they get so bored.”

Kimball staff posts a strongly worded letter to the anonymous student who keeps “tarnishing their good name.”

An alumna from the class of 2020 returns to campus for the last tailgate of the year and questions herself after drinking with her family and acquaintances: “I promised myself I would never return to this place. Where did I go wrong?” 

A senior stops herself before attending another off-campus basement party, thinking, “Ya no, the only way I’ll have a blast in there will be if the water heater pops off.” 

Categories: Eggplant

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