Yik Yak Strikes Back, Exposes Me as Hack

Brian Saville ‘22
Wishes his name were Jack right now

After appearing as a guest writer for the Eggplant several times last semester, I was delighted that you all thought I was funny enough to take on a staff writer position this year. I was going to open with a funny article about President Rougeau being forced to live at The Edge, but before I could get around to that my job was quickly snatched up by someone who is just as funny as I am and about three thousand times faster at coming up with ideas: all of you. 

When Yik Yak exploded back onto the scene in recent weeks, I initially found some mild amusement in it. The masses had a lot to say about the little things we take for granted on campus—Gracie the Police Dog, post-Kimball bowel movements, Wheeler bathroom shenanigans, you name it. I found a certain comfort in knowing that even though many of us are strangers who pass each other without a word on the way to class, we could all take to this app to join in solidarity for the Ed Sheeran playlist they stopped blasting in Kimball (seriously, bring Kimball music back!). 

But then it hit me: This calling of attention to the quirks of life on the Hill was exactly what I was doing for The Spire! Suddenly, I was not the only one with a platform, and everyone else had one that was accessible anywhere at the push of a button! Plus, I’m a senior on the apartment meal plan, so all of these other Yik Yakkers were much more well-equipped to quip about things like first year shenanigans and the dismal state of our dining services. That’s not to mention that the potentially thousands of brains on that app could conceive more content than I could if I were here for twenty years! If only I played hockey…

Then there’s the wrinkle that Yik Yak is anonymous. See, I could totally steal ideas from you all for Eggplant articles and you could never prove it, because how do you know that wasn’t my Yik Yak in the first place? But where’s the fun in that? Alternatively, I could start putting my funnies on Yik Yak instead of in The Spire. And I have done that—that one about Gracie the Police Dog being a title carried by six dogs in the past two years? Which got over 100 upvotes? Yeah, not to brag, but that was me. But I can’t prove that! There’s no glory in it, and definitely no adoring fans asking for your autograph. Yes, someone did ask me to autograph their copy of The Spire once, but sadly neither of us had a pen. 

So to all of you doing my job and doing it better than I: I hope you’re proud of yourselves. You might be really proud of yourself for that zinger about the nonexistence of the Fall Concert that got 200 upvotes, but if you tell me that was you I will laugh at you and not believe you. Just remember, Yaks (is that what we’re calling them?) may be fleeting, but a copy of The Spire will continue to feed the paper mites in your mom’s attic for years to come. 

Categories: Eggplant

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