Michael Vail ’24

Eggplant Editor

“Hey, it’s me. I, uh, I’m a bit stuck here. Yeah, in Kimball. I know I said I’d be back soon, but, uh, I still haven’t gotten my food. I swiped the damn card at least 20 times and it won’t go through. Yup. The lady’s pointing at the card reader again, shaking her head at me. Crap, I just glanced behind me. Yes, it’s rush hour. There’s an entire line of people just glaring at me. What am I supposed to do about it!? Well, I need to eat! WhY WON’T tHE- I’m okay. Just easy, smooth, aaaand- nope. This is so embarrassing. You’ve gotta come get me, you know I can’t handle these situations. You have more than enough time before class! I’m in a crisis here, you stupid-! Oh, no, not you, I’m sorry, I was talking to- alright. Yeah, I’m so sorry for the trouble. Okay, I’m back. Yup, I had to let someone else swipe. She literally just did it on her first try. Show-off. I’m just gonna head over to Lower Kimball. Chicken sandwich. Place order. Confirm. Done, easy, I should have done this a half hour ago. Haha, did you realize it says “You’re next!” when you place an order? Kinda ominous. Hold on, estimated pickup time is right now. Wait, it just moved to the next minute. Huh? Yeah, each minute that passes, it moves up. Why the hell are three orders after mine done? It’s a single chicken sandwich! Without toppings! I probably could have swiped my card by now. I’d be back already. I have to go, my class starts in five minutes. Yup, I’m just gonna order Popeyes later.”