The Secret Life of a Quadruple Major: A True Memoir

Nicole Letendre ’23
Features Editor

Editor’s note: This article appears in our annual Eggplant Edition, which features exclusively satire articles.

Why pick just one or two majors? It’s a question that’s been haunting me for years and years. I could never quite narrow it down enough. My mind was clogged with visions of me as a French-speaking chemical geologist with an eye for visual art; or perhaps a historical marine biologist with a knack for creative writing? I’m not indecisive or anything, it’s just that no career idea of mine fit into one category! After just 32 major switches, 14 in-depth career counseling sessions, and 4 visits to health services for migraines, I found the PERFECT solution. It hit me like a rocket in the hands of a classics-analyzing, studio art neuro-physicist—unexpected but strong. I thought: “I want to be an engineer.” A moment after, I changed my mind. Now here’s when the real idea came. I thought to myself: “I’ll quadruple major!” Yes, yes, perfect! From there I went to the Dean’s Office, calmly explained my broad interests, and smiled as I waited for the answer that would forever change my college career as I knew it. “No,” said each one of the Deans. Don’t worry though; I’m very persuasive—I learned that from my Law and Justice class. “You don’t have enough room in your schedule to graduate in four years!” They had a point—a very good point. From there I did what any sane college student would do. I set aside my schoolwork to make a comprehensive class schedule for every semester over all four years, assuming I would take five classes every semester (plus every summer course available, duh!), tripling up on requirements when possible. I self-designed the course “Underwater Basket-Weaving” to serve as a requirement for marine biology, studio art, and dance (I justified the dance with my superb, and aforementioned, persuasive skills!). To all my potential quadruple majors out there, it’s a long, hard road ahead. Sometimes you might feel like singing the chorus of Eric Carmen’s “All by myself,” but I assure you, you can do it! After all, if the college can assign you to a quad room, they can hand you a (well-deserved) quad degree on your graduation day. So go out there and be the best scholar of Italian literature that a philosophical chemical engineer can be! Let’s scrap “The Secret Life of a Quadruple Major.” I vote for “The Society of Quadruple Majors!”

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