Trump Hits Daytona, Sanders Hits Whole Foods

Greg Hausler ‘20
Eggplant Editor 

On Sunday, President Donald J. Trump attended the Daytona 500 and made history as the the second US president to kickstart the Great American Race with the trademark, “Gentlemen, start your engines!” and the first of any president to take a lap in the armored presidential limo, known as “The Beast.” Trump predictably received a raucous round of applause from the crowd; however, skeptics like myself would have loved to see his entrance into this weekend’s NBA All Star Game/Common’s Weekend to remind us all that he’s “famous”. While the crowd numbers are oddly not under dispute for this particular event aired on Fox, it remains obvious that this was a moment of triumph for the incumbent. Meanwhile one of Trump’s possible opponents, Senator Bernie Sanders, decided to counter the president’s appearance in front of thousands of supporters with his own opening lap styled event at a crowded Whole Foods. Supporters followed behind as Sanders proceeded to walk around a local Whole Foods and follow the crumpled up grocery list provided by his wife that the hopeful Democratic nominee pulled out of his jacket. 

Sanders’ voters have provided quotes about the event chronicling what was on the Senator’s grocery list and how he weaved his grocery cart through the traffic of a Whole Foods on a Sunday afternoon. Sanders voter and local kombucha bar owner, Killian Thomas said “You should have seen the way Bernie navigated his way through the Hot Food section. If someone can navigate that crowded section with a shopping cart then they certainly can navigate the intricate policymaking process of our country.” Fellow Whole Foods frequenter and social worker Lizzie Johnson commented on the determination of the 78 year old front runner, saying “There was a second there I thought he was going to lose it. Yet he did the right thing, he called his wife and asked what word she meant because he couldn’t read her handwriting. That ability to delegate really stuck with me, and quelled all of my fears of an ‘I alone can fix this candidate.’” Even Whole Foods’ staffers were mesmerized by Sanders emphasis on paying in cash for his bill and countless other shoppers behind him saying “It’s been 2 years since someone last paid in cash here. I’ve even had shoppers ask me if they can venmo the store. Senator Sanders even handed me a crumpled up 20 dollar bill and told me to treat myself to a movie and a soda pop.” 

The Sanders’ campaign has yet to comment on these reports, but observers have since referred to the event as the Whole Foods 500.

Categories: Eggplant

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