Mario Micallef ’22
[A 2004 Panasonic corded desk phone rings]
[The ringing stops after the 3rd chimed loop]
Randy (through the phone):Randy
Bernice: Hi Randy, this is Bernice.
Randy: Yeah, I know who it is.
Bernice: I’m going to start the stew around five, do you think you’ll make it home in time?
Randy (deeply inhales through his nose): Let’s think Bernice. I get out of work at five, how far do we live away from my work?
Bernice: Randy, stop it. Just tell me if you are going to make it so that I know to keep the stove on or not because I’ve got to shave my feet again, they are getting so calloused.
Randy: That’s right. Forty Fi-
Bernice (cutting Randy off): You’ll have to rewarm it then.
Randy: Forty Five minutes.
[Bernice sneezes and then deeply clears her throat]
Randy: I’ll pick up something on the way home.
Bernice: The hell you will. I labored for hours over this stew. I could have been shaving my feet instead; you are going to eat it.
Randy (finagling his cardigan on): Can you just let me put on my cardigan? I sit right under the ventilation and I need warmth; I got the cardigan on sale and there are no holes in it.
Bernice: Invite your nephew over this weekend, he’s such a talented foot masseur.
Randy: I bet he is, as am I; those that refrain from throwing away plastic forks after a single use (unlike yourself) are inherently better foot rubbers.
Bernice: On your way in, take down the wreath. I have never spent Valentine’s Day staring at a wreath and I am not about to start tomorrow.
[A short yet stark digitized beep sound tursley beeps] [A digitized woman’s voice cuts off the beep]
Voicemail Woman (slightly condescending): If you’d like to make a longer message please hang up and dial again. Good-bye.