Editor’s note: The Eggplant is The Spire’s satire section.
By Hannah Johnson ‘21
September 20th came and went — those who weren’t brave or curious enough to make the pilgrimage to Nevada instead waited eagerly on social media to hear about the results, and how many fools got themselves killed, or worse. The meme inspired a lot of excitement in Americans; the idea that, if we band together, we can expose whatever secrets our government may be hiding from us. A great plan, right? But, as many predicted, it turns out that not nearly enough people were serious about the idea for it to come up with the desired results.
It was reported that roughly 40 showed up at the gates, and they stayed for a little while until they were dispersed by law enforcement. The only unlawful activity was a few counts of trespassing, and one guy arrested for public urination. Instead of raiding, it seems like people went to local parties that were being set up. Even the creator of the event himself was directing people away from the military base, and towards mini parties nearby. I can’t help but wonder, were people being distracted from Area 51 for their own safety, or because there is actually something hiding inside?
There were virtually no flaws in the original plan for this event, and I suggest we use this strategy on our own campus. Students need to raid the “Holy Cross Exorcism Room” on the fourth floor of Fenwick, so that we can release the demonic would-be girlfriends trapped inside. Let’s get *that* Facebook event created.