Jayquelin Cannonononon ’20
Lost 7th Grade Student Council Election
In a landslide win, the College of the Holy Cross Student Government Association passed a bill to implement an electoral college system in their yearly elections. Each dorm will have a set number of electoral votes accounting for dorm population and, controversially, class year.
The change has students buzzing in anticipation of next year’s elections, with few students seeming to realize the 2019-2020 elections already took place last month. Several alliances are emerging, including the sworn allegiance of all past and present residents of Hanselman to any candidate from the “Hanselfam,” regardless of their proposed initiatives.
Brooks-Mulledy, meanwhile, is sure to be a key swing dorm. With an excess of first-year students wanting to change literally everything about Holy Cross (but mostly care about getting printers in the Brooks-Mulledy basement), their votes have the potential to determine the fate of SGA.
“I’m, like, really passionate about politics,” a Vault resident shared with the Spire. “I wasn’t old enough to vote in the midterm elections, so I’m really excited for my first HC election. I feel like I have a good understanding of what our campus needs, and I’m definitely going to vote for the candidate that can promise us better housing options and registration times for first-years.”
Figge and Williams residents are also particularly excited about the change, considering how much the future SGA leadership matters to them as they prepare to leave campus. “I think it’s only fair seniors should get more of a say in the election, considering how much experience we have in Holy Cross politics,” one Williams resident shared. “And yes, I did vote for Trump, why do you ask?”
Sophomores, however, are upset with the new decision. “How are we supposed to feel like our vote matters when we’re stuck in the smallest dorms and given a lower-class status because of our class years? It’s just unfair. One vote shouldn’t be worth more than another,” an angry 2nd-time Wheeler resident ranted.
The biggest surprise in the process has been the new Edge Apartments’ delegation as a Holy Cross territory without voting rights. In an exclusive interview with the senators behind the new bill, Spire reporters were given the following explanation: “We, as on-campus members of the Holy Cross community, feel that there’s a special bond that comes from living on campus with your peers. The students living at the Edge are not going to be a part of this community, so they won’t have the experience to make an informed vote. For this reason, we thought it best that anyone not living on campus should not be included in the electoral college.”
The College did not respond to requests for comments on this ongoing story.
This article appeared in the annual satire edition of the Spire.